The holiday season has the power to unite families, yet it also serves as a stark reminder to parents of the limited time they have together throughout the rest of the year.
In the United States, a significant number of parents, approximately two out of five, face challenges in affording childcare. This financial strain often leads couples to adopt a split-shift parenting approach. (CLM Images / Getty Images)
As we approach the festive period, many individuals are eagerly preparing for special family gatherings. However, for some parents with young children, these occasions may represent the only moments they get to spend together annually.
Welcome to the era of split-shift parenting.
In a nation where nearly 40% of parents struggle to cover childcare expenses, many couples have turned to a system where one parent takes care of the child(ren) while the other works, and they switch roles accordingly.
While this tag-team parenting strategy can assist couples in managing their finances more effectively, it often comes with its own set of challenges.
The exact number of couples practicing split-shift parenting today is difficult to pinpoint. However, as recently as 2018, 12% of mothers were engaged in non-traditional work shifts, with 40% citing caregiving duties as the reason. This translates to millions of mothers.
Moreover, with approximately 3 million children facing the risk of losing access to childcare following the expiration of pandemic-related funding in September, the issue extends beyond financial constraints to include the struggle of securing an available childcare slot. A mother in Washington shared her shock upon learning about three-year waitlists for certain preschool programs—highlighting the necessity of signing up even before conceiving a child.
In times of heightened family demands, the burden often falls disproportionately on mothers.
The concept of dividing childcare responsibilities is not a novel one. In the 1990s, some couples lauded the benefits of sharing shifts not only to reduce costs but also to promote fairness in caregiving duties. In 1992, father Romulo Cerda expressed how this arrangement helped him view himself as a more equitable parent, even if it meant handling tasks like diaper changes. The horror, indeed!
On the surface, split-shift parenting appears to offer an effective childcare solution: cost-efficient, fair workload distribution, and ensuring children are cared for and tended to promptly. However, as the CEO of Moms First, I frequently engage in discussions about the challenges of balancing childcare responsibilities and sought insights from mothers actively practicing split-shift parenting in 2023.
The overwhelming sentiment echoed by many can be summarized in one word: exhausting.
Niki Alexander (@tncalexander) shared that she could only rest when her son napped, reminiscent of a parent who disclosed starting work at 4 a.m. to accommodate their partner’s afternoon commitments.
Erika Frantz (@eefrantz) admitted to reaching a breaking point due to sleep deprivation. While she managed to adjust her schedule, it left her family with no quality time together.
Nurse Lily Schott (@lillyschott) encapsulated the sentiment by highlighting how split-shift parenting is a consequence of a flawed system, where family togetherness is considered a luxury rather than a norm.
Many parents also express concerns about the impact of split shifts on their children. Mamta Jain Valderrama (@mamatavalderrama) shared how her young daughter constantly reminds her of the time they are not spending together, such as during meals when she is preoccupied with other tasks.
Even in supposedly egalitarian households, studies reveal that when a wife’s income matches or surpasses her husband’s, she still dedicates more time to caregiving. The only scenario where a wife spends less time on childcare than her husband is when she is the primary breadwinner.
Frequently, mothers find themselves anxiously awaiting their partner’s return home to hand over responsibilities, highlighting the disproportionate burden they bear.
This is not to imply that split-shift parenting is inherently negative. On the contrary, for some, it can be empowering. However, in a landscape where childcare costs exceed college expenses and paid family leave remains uncertain, the choice to adopt a split-shift model is often more of a necessity than a preference.
If our societal structures were genuinely aligned with the needs of families, would some still opt for split-shift parenting? Possibly. Yet, there are many—arguably a majority—who would prefer alternative arrangements.
Too often, mothers find themselves waiting anxiously for their partner to arrive home, symbolically passing the baton—or quite literally, the baby—before resuming their duties. This predicament is further exacerbated for single parents, who represent nearly a quarter of households with children and lack a co-parent to share caregiving responsibilities.
Mothers deserve a spectrum of choices. They deserve better options. Sustainable options—urgently.
At present, working mothers stand at a critical juncture. Following the upheaval caused by the pandemic, which saw nearly 2 million women exiting the workforce, there has been a resurgence in female workforce participation. More mothers with young children are employed now than ever before. Although the gender pay gap persists, the proportion of women earning wages equivalent to or higher than their spouses has tripled in the last five decades.
However, as evidenced during the pandemic, this progress remains fragile. To uphold their commitment to gender equality, policymakers, business leaders, and employers must prioritize support for mothers.
This entails expanding access to affordable childcare, ensuring paid leave, implementing flexible work arrangements, and steadfastly upholding these priorities. Investing in these areas is not just a moral imperative but a strategic decision with potential long-term benefits.
As a token of appreciation to mothers who were raised on the notion of “having it all” only to confront feelings of inadequacy, I offer this reassurance: the challenges you face are not solely your burden. The system is flawed. Split-shift parenting serves as a testament to this reality.
The false dichotomy between depleting savings or sacrificing sleep, personal time, and family moments must be dismantled.
By acknowledging this reality, we pave the way for progress beyond it.
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