Alex Sosler recently discussed the positive aspect of how “Marriage Will Kill You (And That’s Good).” I would extend this notion to parenting as well, emphasizing that it, too, can be a beneficial form of self-sacrifice. Embracing the opportunities that marriage and parenting offer to set aside our own desires and prioritize serving others can lead to unexpected joys. As Wendell Berry aptly puts it, “the impeded stream is the one that sings.”
Before delving further, let me share a personal anecdote from the early days of my marriage, when my husband and I were optimistic about the journey of parenthood ahead.
One Saturday morning in mid-February 2012 stands out vividly in my memory. Having been married for just over a year, we were in a phase of comfort and understanding. With children still a couple of years away, Saturdays were usually relaxed for us. On this particular morning, while my husband, Caleb, attended a men’s Bible study and breakfast, I was at home in my pajamas, attending to chores and grading papers. When he called to be picked up, I didn’t hesitate, considering it a quick errand that wouldn’t require me to change out of my casual attire. I threw on a knee-length winter coat over my loungewear, slipped into clunky black boots, and headed out to fetch him.
Upon reaching the gathering hosted by my uncle and aunt, Caleb excitedly informed me of a pastor from Siberia in need of a translator due to language barriers. Despite my initial hesitation, given my attire and impending commitment at a wedding, I found myself agreeing to accompany them to Pastor Peter’s house for translation assistance. As we drove behind the pastors to their destination beyond town limits, I marveled at the unexpected turn of events.
Arriving at Pastor Peter’s home nestled amidst frost-covered hills, I was struck by the sight of walls lined with books—a bibliophile’s paradise. Despite my initial discomfort in my mismatched outfit, I focused on aiding the conversation between pastors, occasionally interrupted by Pastor Peter’s endearing interactions with his children, who sought his attention with innocent queries.
Reflecting on this experience, Caleb and I were deeply moved by Pastor Peter’s genuine delight in his children, contrasting our preconceived notions of parental interactions. We found ourselves aspiring to emulate his warm and inclusive approach with our future children.
Fast forward to almost twelve years later, with our three kids in tow, a mundane incident outside a friend’s house triggers a moment of introspection. As my children’s unruly behavior tests my patience, I confront the internal conflict between external perceptions and the reality of parenting challenges. Despite the chaos in the car, I am reminded of the ongoing journey of learning to prioritize love and understanding in moments of discord.
Parenting, I realize, entails a continual process of self-emptying and prioritizing the well-being of our children over personal comforts and desires. It involves relinquishing control, embracing vulnerability, and practicing sacrificial love daily. Through moments of frustration and embarrassment, I am reminded of the necessity to prioritize genuine connection and affection over superficial appearances.
In this journey of parenthood, each day presents an opportunity for growth and transformation. It demands a willingness to let go of ego, control, and self-centered ambitions, paving the way for a deeper understanding of sacrificial love and genuine joy in familial bonds. As I navigate the challenges and joys of raising children, I am reminded that true fulfillment lies in selfless acts of love and unwavering commitment to nurturing the hearts and minds of our little ones.
In this process of continual self-denial and renewal, I find moments of laughter and grace, akin to a bubbling stream meandering through obstacles. Through the lens of gratitude and humility, I embrace the daily deaths to self, trusting in the promise of a bountiful harvest of love and righteousness in the lives of my children and myself. The journey of parenthood, with its myriad challenges and blessings, unfolds as a testament to the beauty of sacrificial love and the transformative power of selfless devotion.