Before the birth of my first child, I was determined to excel at parenting. This was a time predating the popularity of gender-reveal parties and monthly photoshoots, but already characterized by meticulous tracking of every detail from feedings to playtime. The relentless pursuit of hitting developmental milestones and ensuring enrollment in prestigious schools and extracurricular activities consumed me.
A recent article from the Washington Post, titled “Millennials Are Tired of Trying to Be Perfect Moms,” sheds light on the unrealistic standards imposed on parents. In response to the overwhelming societal expectations, the article advocates for a shift from pursuing the ideal of a “perfect” childhood to embracing an “authentic” one. This revised approach to parenting emphasizes essential values such as social justice activism, meaningful careers, self-care, and authenticity over superficial achievements and appearances.
Over time, I came to understand that the concept of being a “perfect” parent did not align with the trendy notions of Pinterest-worthy parenting or a one-size-fits-all strategy guaranteeing eternal virtue and success. Redefining parental success, godliness, or the “right way” based on fleeting cultural trends only adds to the confusion and guilt experienced by exhausted parents. Ultimately, allowing anyone other than the Lord—the ultimate perfect Parent—to dictate the standards of ideal parenting does a disservice to everyone, especially the future generation.
Reflecting on two decades and four children later, I wish to impart a crucial piece of advice to my past self: Focus more on cherishing the moments with your baby rather than keeping up with the latest parenting fads. Value experiences over mere documentation. Revisiting the wisdom found in Proverbs 22:6, which urges parents to “train up a child in the way he should go,” should not evoke guilt or serve as a mere motivational slogan but rather be viewed as a gracious invitation.
Embracing the Gracious Invitation
This biblical verse encourages us to view children through the lens of their Creator rather than through the lens of a culture fixated on outward achievements, appearances, and authenticity.
- Train up: This Hebrew term conveys the idea of initiation, akin to assisting infants in nursing by providing them with oil or masticated food. At times, it is translated as “dedicate,” symbolizing the initial consecration of a structure (Deut. 20:5; 1 Kings 8:63, 2 Chron. 7:5).
- In the way: This commonly used Hebrew term denotes a path, route, or journey, metaphorically representing life’s journey or course.
- He should go: This phrase signifies acting in accordance with one’s innate disposition or characteristics. In Leviticus, it pertains to determining a fair value when a buyer cannot afford the full price of a piece of land. “Value him according to what the vower can afford” (Lev. 27:8). Hence, instruct a child based on their unique design and path.
Collectively, these expressions invite us to provide children with a glimpse of their future journey tailored to their individuality and circumstances.
Guiding Travelers on the Journey
If the initial segment of Proverbs 22:6 addresses the commencement of a voyage, the subsequent part pertains to its enduring impact. The phrase “Even when he is old he will not depart from it” underscores life as a continuous journey, with the ultimate destination being perfection for eternity as believers glorify and delight in God. In contrast, our culture bombards us with conflicting messages—demanding flawlessness while simultaneously preaching self-acceptance.
With Scripture as our compass, we recognize that the path of the faithful is fraught with challenges, failures, detours, and trials. In an era where children as young as five face evaluations based on knowledge and accomplishments, how can we equip them to navigate this journey successfully?
Navigating the Path Ahead
1. Travel Lightly
By shielding our children from the burdens of materialism, perfectionism, and the quest for authenticity, we dedicate them to a life of purpose. Introduce them to the joys of God’s goodness, the lightness of His yoke, and the comfort of His presence (Ps. 34:8; Matt. 11:30).
2. Embrace Identity
Help children embrace their unique qualities and limitations as intentional creations of God. Loving them for who they are, beyond their achievements, mirrors the profound love and knowledge they receive from their heavenly Father.
3. Prepare Wisely
Equip children for the good works prepared for them, recognizing their strengths and weaknesses. Embrace vulnerability, navigate uncertainties, and cultivate contentment amidst life’s challenges (Phil. 4:12).
4. Equip with Knowledge
Familiarize children with the Scriptures to impart wisdom, righteousness, and readiness for every good work. Teach them to handle the Word of truth effectively, serving as their ultimate guide in life’s journey.
5. Seek a Higher Calling
Encourage children to aspire to a heavenly homeland, transcending earthly standards of perfection and success. Guide them towards a destination of eternal significance and fulfillment (Heb. 11:13–16).
Unforeseen Realities
My parenting voyage has been far from what I envisioned. Confronted with the sudden terminal illnesses of both grandmothers, I was compelled to relinquish my fixation on parenting methodologies. The years spent raising four young children amidst personal loss and grief shattered any illusions of grooming them into model individuals with impeccable achievements. Instead, my children’s distinct attributes serve as constant reminders that the essence of parenting transcends worldly accomplishments—it is about preparing them for eternal perfection.
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Laura Spaulding, a mother of four, shares her parenting odyssey on her blog. With over two decades of experience in lay ministry alongside her husband, she is pursuing a master’s degree in counseling from Westminster Theological Seminary. Balancing her roles as an educational consultant and staff writer for a special-needs school in Houston, Texas, she remains dedicated to guiding and supporting children on their unique journeys.