We’ve all found ourselves in that situation: you accidentally drop something, it shatters, and you exclaim, “Oh no!” only to realize your children are within earshot. In my household, the swear jar is predominantly filled by yours truly. Interestingly, my son rarely utters any expletives. Perhaps my use of such language has rendered it “uncool” in his eyes, or maybe he simply possesses better manners. (It happens!) Regardless of whether your child swears in jest or as a habit, the question lingers: How should you address it, if at all?
Distinguishing between public conduct and private behavior is a concept children grasp early on — it’s acceptable to roam the house unclothed; however, streaking across the playground is a definite no-no. Therefore, in principle, if your kids can differentiate between dropping a swear word while gaming at home (permissible) and doing so in a classroom setting (absolutely prohibited), they inherently understand the contrast between public and private actions.
The challenge arises when intense emotions come into play, as children may struggle to regulate their responses — whether in private or public settings. Emotions like excitement, frustration, sadness, and boredom (emotions commonly experienced at school, the playground, or home) can trigger strong reactions. If swearing becomes their default response to emotions at home, it’s likely to carry over into other environments.
So, should you enforce consequences or not?
The decision on whether to condone swearing at home rests solely with you and your co-parent, but the reality is that expecting flawless self-control from children to avoid any slip-ups is a tall order. In fact, even adults find this challenging. However, before your child lands in the principal’s office, there are numerous ways to discourage the use of expletives without resorting to severe discipline.
According to Allison Wilson, senior director of curriculum and innovation at Stratford Schools, parents should also consider the root cause: Children might swear as a form of mirroring adult behavior or seeking social approval among their peers.
How can you deter your child from using inappropriate language?
If you aim to diminish swearing at home, Donna Whittaker, VP of curriculum and education at Big Blue Marble Academy, advises parents, “Foul language is typically uttered with intense emotion; hence, children take notice and may imitate these words. If we expressed the word ‘carrot’ with the same fervor as expletives, children would likely say ‘carrot’ when in pain or distress.”
Whitaker also suggests that parents reflect on their own language use, strive to avoid swearing, and if they slip up, acknowledge the mistake with a simple, “Oops! I shouldn’t have said that!”
Replacing a swear word with a lighthearted or charming term is a strategy familiar to many. Wilson emphasizes that this approach can be highly effective. “Explain why certain language is inappropriate and brainstorm alternative expressions,” she recommends. “For instance, you could agree on using phrases like ‘silly banana’ or ‘snap’ as substitutes for expletives.”
Moreover, implementing a swear jar as a mild form of reprimand can be beneficial. If the children swear, they contribute to the jar (ensuring it comes from their own allowance or birthday funds). Conversely, if a parent slips up, the children receive a treat from the jar. It’s a somewhat advantageous arrangement for all parties involved.
Excited for more? What’s next?