When my spouse arrives home from work, there are occasions when he engages in what I consider the most unimaginable behavior: settling into his recliner and propping up his feet. This unfolds on a typical weeknight, amidst the chaos of four children needing baths, dishes awaiting washing, laundry requiring attention, homework to supervise, backpacks waiting to be emptied, and a cat awaiting feeding… the list goes on. Do I need to elaborate further?
I understand the long hours he puts in at work. Enduring a 45-minute commute each way, working a full eight-hour shift, and rushing home by 5 o’clock to spend precious moments with our children before bedtime.
Most times, he is accompanied by the kids in the armchair, which is why I hesitate to voice any grievances. While he bonds with our little ones, keeping them occupied, I take the opportunity to prepare dinner. However…
Having been previously employed outside the home, I am familiar with the exhaustion of transitioning from one full-time job to another. Now, working part-time from home without a change of scenery or lunch breaks, I can’t help but feel like I’m reliving scenes from “Mad Men” the moment that recliner goes up.
Although I acknowledge that my husband is not Don Draper but rather an engaged father, a supportive partner, and a genuinely helpful presence around the house, I find myself in a different role than a ‘60s housewife. I don’t require assistance; I need a co-worker on duty from 5:45 until each child is sound asleep.
During their early years, children are reliant on adults for various tasks. They need assistance with their sippy cups, reaching cereal boxes in the cupboard, and even applying toothpaste correctly on their toothbrushes. These needs cannot be met by someone who is seated.
Until our children become more self-sufficient as they grow older, I fail to comprehend how any adult in their proximity can remain seated.
While my husband comprehends the unending demands of caring for our children through his solo shifts at home, he does actively contribute each evening (albeit briefly sitting down). However, once he changes out of his work attire, he yearns to unwind in his armchair and spend quality time with our kids. Conversely, I strive to clear dinner, load the dishwasher, attend to laundry, and tuck the children into bed, craving a few moments of peace before the cycle repeats the next day.
I vividly recall an older, seasoned mother sharing the wisdom: “The days are long but the years are short.” At a time when I had a toddler and a newborn, her words brought solace, reassuring me that the exhaustion would eventually subside. Acknowledging the challenges of this phase with young children meant a great deal. These days can feel endless, and my goal is to navigate them successfully, which is more achievable with a supportive partner.
Knowing that in a few short years, our children will require less constant attention brings a sense of relief. They will become more independent, capable of tending to their own needs like refilling water bottles, reaching for cereal boxes, and applying toothpaste correctly. Our workdays will end a bit earlier, allowing us both to finally put our feet up.
Lauren Davidson is a writer and editor based in Pittsburgh, focusing on parenting, arts and culture, and weddings. With experience in newspapers and magazines in New England and western Pennsylvania, she is a University of Pittsburgh alumna with degrees in English and French. Lauren resides with her editor husband, four lively children, and an affectionate cat. Follow her on Twitter @laurenmylo.
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