Parental anticipations come with a dual-edged sword. While we aim to establish reasonable expectations, especially for our children, to demonstrate our belief in them and act as their primary supporter, it can backfire when our focus shifts solely to specific outcomes. This fixation on outcomes can lead to blind spots, hindering our ability to accept the present moment as it is and remain adaptable as parents.
Embracing the Present
For instance, when faced with a child who has recently developed a habit of lying, the immediate reaction is often to jump into problem-solving mode without first acknowledging and accepting the issue at hand: the child is lying. This rush to find solutions stems from a discomfort with the situation rather than a genuine acceptance of the reality.
True parental growth begins with acceptance and acknowledgment of challenges without judgment. By refraining from hastily trying to eradicate the issue due to our discomfort with having a child who lies, we can approach the situation with clarity and openness to finding effective solutions.
However, unintentionally, expectations can hinder the development of meaningful connections with our children. Parenting, at its core, involves accepting our children’s unfavorable choices and behaviors, even when they deviate from our expectations.
Reevaluating Expectations
While it is not discouraged to have expectations, it is crucial to cultivate healthy expectations that allow room for growth and unforeseen circumstances. By relinquishing our attachment to specific outcomes, we can be more present and responsive to our children’s needs, addressing problems objectively rather than being disheartened by unmet expectations.
It is beneficial to scrutinize our expectations. Are we expecting certain behaviors from our children to ensure their social acceptance? Do we anticipate academic excellence to secure admission to a prestigious university, influenced by the prevailing culture at their school? Do we always expect our children to express gratitude, and when they fail to meet this expectation, we struggle to respond calmly due to this misalignment?
By questioning our expectations, we can uncover underlying insecurities and, as Jedidiah Jenkins aptly put it, “interrogate” our expectations to foster personal growth.
Make 2024 a year of introspection, where you challenge your expectations and witness the transformation in your parenting journey.