Those of us who have experienced parenthood, and even those who have not, often find themselves in situations where they are parenting other people’s children. Interestingly, many believe that their best parenting moments occurred before they became parents themselves. During the pre-parenthood phase, a common pastime was observing children’s behavior in various settings like restaurants, planes, or elsewhere. People would watch kids being kids and analyze their parents’ reactions with the enthusiasm of sports commentators on ESPN.
Critiquing parenting styles from a distance was quite enjoyable. One common scenario was witnessing parents trying to calm their tantrum-throwing children with gadgets or unhealthy snacks. The onlookers would question, “Why not offer them a book instead?” Moreover, when children misbehaved or got into fights while their parents ignored the situation, bystanders would reminisce about the value of traditional discipline, manners, and other old-school principles.
However, the act of observing parents was usually kept private, with any disapproval or judgment being kept to oneself. Then, the tables turned when these observers became parents themselves. Suddenly, they found themselves in the whirlwind of managing their own children, who had their own ideas about when to behave angelically and when to have a meltdown. They transitioned from being spectators to being the center of attention in public places, trying to pacify their screaming kids with smartphones, all the while selectively ignoring the chaos around them.
Despite the challenges, no one confronted them directly. They endured the scrutiny silently, never anticipating that they would be in that position someday. Recently, there have been instances where parents are stepping in to mediate conflicts between their children and others in the community. These incidents occur during recess, sports games, or public events, where children engage in disagreements that sometimes escalate into physical altercations. These moments present opportunities to teach children conflict resolution and emotional management skills, guiding them in the right direction.
The crucial aspect here is intervening with “our own children.” However, there is a new trend emerging where some parents feel entitled to intervene in conflicts involving their children and others. This interference extends to approaching teachers, coaches, and other authority figures to address issues like bullying or any behavior that raises concerns. This trend, justified by the belief that advocating for one’s child has no limits, can have unintended consequences on all parties involved.
When parents intervene aggressively, like the incident involving “scary mommy” confronting a friend’s child during a soccer game, it can have a negative impact. Such actions not only discourage the child being defended from learning to resolve conflicts independently but also instill fear and distress in the child facing criticism. It is essential to consider that children come from diverse backgrounds, and intervening without understanding the full context can be detrimental.
Respecting the autonomy of other parents and refraining from imposing one’s parenting views is crucial. Encouraging children to navigate their own challenges and involving adults only when necessary is a more balanced approach. Most of the time, responsible adults can observe and intervene in a fair and restorative manner without external interference.
In the end, conflict is a natural part of life, and allowing children to navigate and resolve their issues independently fosters essential life skills. The story of the boy confronted by “scary mommy” ends on a positive note, as he and the other child managed to reconcile their differences without external interference, highlighting the resilience and problem-solving abilities children possess.