“Lila” was the tormentor of my youth, making my school days unbearable from middle school through high school graduation. I, the introverted girl engrossed in books and doodles, fell victim to Lila, the popular athlete who found pleasure in my suffering. She not only stole and destroyed my notebooks but also publicly humiliated me by exposing a harmless crush during lunch. The repercussions were severe; the guy’s girlfriend and her clique subjected me to relentless taunts, leaving me in tears daily, seeking solace in my mother’s comforting arms. Despite my distress, the school turned a blind eye, siding with the influential crowd.
The betrayal I now face cuts deep, as my mother, aware of my past anguish, is engaged to Lila’s father. The revelation dawned on me when my mother shared online images of her bonding with Lila, oblivious to their connection. While my mother urged me to let bygones be bygones, insisting that Lila had transformed into a kind soul, I find it hard to believe in such a sudden metamorphosis. The thought of feigning pleasantries and enduring holidays in the company of this duplicitous figure sickens me. How do I navigate this situation? What should I convey to my mother and potentially to Lila?
—Bully for Me
Dear Bully for Me,
The anguish inflicted by Lila warrants your resentment and desire for distance, given the recency of the trauma. While your mother’s lack of understanding is disheartening, it appears she entered the relationship unaware of Lila’s significance to you. Accepting her engagement doesn’t equate to embracing Lila. You have the right to avoid her presence and could consider requesting an apology from her, should she genuinely have transformed as your mother believes. Your comfort takes precedence, and you need not subject yourself to discomfort for the sake of others.
Communicate your feelings to your mother, expressing your reluctance to engage with someone who caused you immense pain. Your well-being should not be compromised for the happiness of others. Inform your mother that while you wish her joy, you may need time before considering interactions with Lila.
—Jamilah
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