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Numerous parents are currently exerting excessive pressure on their children — and are encouraged to relax and assess their behaviors.
During a discussion on fostering resilient children, Erica Komisar, a clinical social worker, psychoanalyst, and parenting authority based in New York City, advised parents to “ease off” and critically evaluate their conduct.
Even as far back as twenty years ago, she observed a concerning trend: “I noticed an increasing number of referrals for younger children,” she shared in an interview with Columbia Magazine for its winter 2023-24 edition.
“I used to consult for preschools and elementary schools in Manhattan, and I witnessed a rising trend of early diagnoses and medication for anxiety and depression among children. I delved into every available research on the subject.”
She acknowledged that while the “overwhelming majority” of parents desire the best for their children, there is often confusion about what constitutes the “best.”
“Some parents pressure their children to achieve perfect grades. I’ve had numerous parents bring their kids to my office over a B grade, convinced that something is amiss.”
Today’s world is notably more complex and competitive, leading many parents to incessantly push their children, she noted.
She highlighted that the pressure is not solely from parents but also from the surrounding environment.
Parents are urged to contemplate the following insights, as proposed by a psychoanalyst: “How do you define success in your child’s life? Shouldn’t it encompass their happiness and mental well-being?”
Consequently, “we are driving these children to the edge.”
Her advice to parents for rectifying this situation is simple yet profound.
They must “ease off. Cultivate self-awareness and introspection.”
In a similar vein, parents should ponder this fundamental question: “How do you define success in your child’s life? Shouldn’t it involve their happiness and mental equilibrium?”
Komisar, who obtained a master’s degree from Columbia University’s School of Social Work, recommended that parents and caregivers “spend as much time as possible with their children while they are under the same roof… [But] be nonjudgmental. Foster open communication.”
She strongly discouraged helicopter parenting.
Parents should assist their children in “learning to cope with overwhelming experiences” rather than “excessively doing things for them.”
A crucial point to note is that if any parent suspects signs of suicidal tendencies in their child, immediate evaluation is imperative.
Komisar emphasized the importance of helping children discover a balance and their strengths, while acknowledging their limitations, as the cornerstone of fostering resilience.
She remarked, “Today’s parenting and education induce anxiety in kids and parents by presupposing that children must excel in every aspect — a recipe for breakdown.”
Instead, “parents can introduce their children to new activities without expecting them to excel or derive pleasure from them.”
Komisar pointed out, “Anxiety in parents is transmitted to children verbally and non-verbally. When parents are imbalanced or excessively focused on academic and material success, children bear the brunt.”
A recent survey of 2,000 adults revealed that many individuals wish they could offer valuable advice to their younger selves, as reported by Fox News Digital previously.
Among the suggestions relevant to parenting and beyond: “Relax and savor the journey.”
Furthermore, “prioritize your mental well-being.”
Lastly, “celebrate small victories.”