It’s Advice Week! In On Second Thought , we’ll revisit questions from the archives and delve into how much has changed since Slate commenced offering advice in 1997—and how much has remained constant. Read all stories here.
For today’s edition, we delved into Slate’s archives and uncovered questions directed to Prudie from the 2000s. We’ve tasked today’s columnists with providing insights from a modern-day perspective.
Dear Prudie,
I belong to a small group of women who are mothers with children all within a few months of each other. Most of our children will be entering preschool in the fall. One friend has asked me to complete a recommendation form for her child. I reviewed the form and realized that if I were to fill it out truthfully and she were to see it, she would be less than pleased. Most of the behavior I would need to comment on is not entirely age-appropriate. Is there a tactful way I can suggest she ask someone else to fill it out? Should I complete it honestly and send it directly to the school, hoping she won’t view my responses?
—Perplexed
Original Response:
Dear Perplexed,
Considering the age of the children, how inappropriate could this child’s behavior be? It seems that the issue lies more in immaturity rather than serious disorders left unaddressed. At 3 years old, immaturity is expected. You could highlight positive aspects like his “energy,” “curiosity,” or his “unique ability to turn a peanut butter and jelly sandwich into a creative home decoration.” Find qualities that make this child special.
—Prudie
From: Dear Prudence (March 23, 2006).
Advice From the Future:
Prudie’s advice remains relevant, but it’s essential to address two outdated aspects. Firstly, the current landscape reflects heightened concerns among parents regarding toilet training readiness in preschoolers. Secondly, the use of gender-neutral language is now more prevalent, recognizing diverse gender identities.
Dear Prudie,
Our 13-year-old daughter is solely focused on her horse, neglecting other interests. While we appreciate her dedication to caring for the animal and her riding skills, we worry about her broader development. How can we address this without discouraging her passion?
—Mom
Original Response:
Dear Mom,
Your daughter’s love for horses is common among adolescent girls. Many eventually outgrow this phase, while some pursue careers in equestrian fields. Emphasize that her schoolwork should not suffer. It’s likely that her focus will shift in due course.
—Prudie, reassuringly
From: Dear Prudence (Oct. 12, 2009).
Advice From the Future:
The assumption that girls will inevitably transition from horse interests to romantic relationships is outdated. It’s crucial to recognize diverse paths to adulthood and appreciate the positive aspects of your child’s passion, ensuring she remains happy and engaged.
Dear Prudie,
My wife plans to continue working after our first child’s birth, facing criticism for her choice. How can she address judgmental comments about her decision to work outside the home?
—Concerned Husband
Original Response:
Dear Con,
Politely respond to critics by highlighting statistics on women in the workforce. Refrain from feeling defensive against unwarranted opinions. Assert your wife’s autonomy in making this decision.
—Prudie, straightforwardly
From: Dear Prudence (July 8, 2004).
Advice From the Future:
Addressing criticism with confidence and statistical support is valid. However, consider reframing the conversation to focus on personal choices and boundaries rather than engaging with unsolicited opinions.
Dear Prudie,
We prefer a private delivery room experience but face pressure from friends and family to be present. How can we communicate our boundaries effectively?
—Private Parent
Original Response:
Dear Prive,
Prudie is astonished by the audacity of uninvited guests in the delivery room. Assert your privacy firmly and consider informing hospital staff of your wishes to maintain exclusivity.
—Prudie, aghastly
From: Dear Prudence (Jan. 6 2005).
Advice From the Future:
Consider keeping labor details private to prevent unwanted intrusions. Assert your boundaries firmly and prioritize your comfort during this intimate moment.
Dear Pru,
When is it inappropriate to bring children to events, and how can you address this issue effectively?
—Annoyed
Original Response:
Dear Ann,
While some families may face challenges in securing childcare, it’s crucial to respect the nature of adult-oriented events. Address disruptive behavior directly with management while avoiding assumptions based on ethnicity.
—Prudie, age-appropriately
From: Dear Prudence (Jan. 16, 2003).
Advice From the Future:
Acknowledge challenges families may encounter while emphasizing event appropriateness. Address disruptive behavior tactfully, focusing on behavior rather than making assumptions based on ethnicity.
More Prudie From the 2000s
My wife and I are anticipating a conflict with her parents relocating near us. How can we navigate this situation effectively?
In rewriting the text, the focus was on updating language, addressing outdated assumptions, and enhancing clarity while preserving the core advice and message of each scenario.