Deception Dilemma: Should I Mislead My 4-Year-Old About His Athletic Skills?

Dear Amy: My spouse and I have a 4-year-old son who is keen on exploring various “pee wee” sports such as T-ball and soccer. Both of us have a background in athletics, having met during college intramural sports. Our son, however, seems a bit clumsy. His focus tends to wander, his coordination is lacking, and overall, we both acknowledge that he may not have the natural athleticism we possess. We are completely fine with this realization.

Our dilemma arises when our son seeks validation after his games, even when his performance is subpar. While we are hesitant to falsely praise him, we also don’t want to discourage him. Is excessive praise detrimental to a child’s development?

— Father Seeking Guidance

Father: It’s unlikely to go overboard with praise for an enthusiastic 4-year-old. However, it’s crucial to understand if he seeks validation out of anxiety or a genuine belief in his abilities. You can tactfully navigate this by asking open-ended questions like, “Did you enjoy yourself out there today?” or “Did you give it your best effort?” Positive reinforcement for his efforts, such as acknowledging his hard work, is key. Avoid labeling him negatively and consider introducing him to music and drama for a well-rounded experience.

Dear Amy: Dealing with recent dental issues stemming from past neglect and pandemic-induced missed checkups has heightened your dental anxiety. The receptionist’s push for additional services post-treatment without your dentist’s recommendation is concerning. Overcoming your fear during visits is essential for your ongoing dental care. Communicate your anxiety to the dental team, explore pain management options, and establish a signal for breaks during treatment. Music can help relax you, and in some cases, anti-anxiety medication or sedation might be beneficial. Address the upselling issue with your dentist and consider switching practices if needed.

Dear Amy: Your response to “Really Tired,” who was hurt by her partner’s hurtful comment, was criticized for insensitivity. Recognizing the seriousness of the situation and the need for sound advice is crucial. It’s important for individuals in such situations to set boundaries and address hurtful behavior in relationships.