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Dear Care and Feeding,
My spouse and I enjoy hosting gatherings and recently relocated to a new area. Since we do not have children, we organized an adults-only sushi-making party. However, our neighbor, “Tina,” RSVP’d with her sniffly 5-year-old, mentioning that her sitter had canceled. In a moment of awkwardness, my spouse allowed them entry. Tina settled her son on the couch with a loud iPad and proceeded to focus on socializing and consuming wine, neglecting her child for the evening. Consequently, I was unable to engage in conversations or prepare sushi as I had to monitor the boy and sanitize the areas he dirtied. To add to the situation, when the sushi was finally ready, the child sneezed all over it, to which Tina found humor. We decided to wrap up the event early after serving the remaining sushi.
Both my spouse and I concur that Tina will not be receiving future invitations. However, given her proximity as our next-door neighbor, how should we handle this delicate situation? Tina has approached me twice at the mailbox expressing her enjoyment of the party and her lack of opportunities for nights out.
—Snotty Sushi
Dear Snotty Sushi,
It is entirely acceptable to host child-free gatherings for your neighbors, though it may pose challenges for parents without convenient childcare options. Tina’s decision to bring her unwell child to the event, potentially exposing others to illness, was inappropriate. Nevertheless, her desire to socialize with neighbors is understandable, and she might not have realized the importance of a child-free environment to you.
You are under no obligation to extend further invitations to Tina. The situation may be awkward for a while, given her proximity and potential observations of gatherings at your home. However, you are not obligated to address this directly with her unless you choose to. If she inquires about future events, you could offer her one final opportunity with a clear emphasis on the adults-only nature of your gatherings and the absence of childcare services. Alternatively, you could provide a vague response about “getting together sometime” without committing to specific plans. Over time, if you do not include Tina or actively engage with her, she may interpret the lack of invitations as a signal to discontinue pursuing the friendship.
—Nicole