Dear Miss Manners: As a single father for eight years, I raised my daughter, fostering an exceptional father-daughter bond through shared experiences like road trips, vacations, and coaching her soccer team for seven years.
Recently, my daughter shifted her focus to working out at a gym with her mom, dedicating six days a week to fitness alongside her young adult “gym friends.” Despite excelling academically and balancing her commitments effectively, she has chosen to keep her gym life separate from our usual activities.
Approaching her 16th birthday, my ex-wife plans a surprise party exclusively for her gym friends the day before her actual birthday. While respecting our daughter’s desire to maintain this separation, my ex-wife expressed concern that my presence might unsettle the dynamic.
Though I understand the importance of honoring my daughter’s boundaries, I can’t shake the fear of missing out on such a significant milestone. My dilemma is further compounded by my new wife’s advice to uphold our daughter’s wishes and skip this event, despite our alternative birthday plans.
Balancing parental instincts with respect for her autonomy poses a dilemma. While I yearn to celebrate with her, I also recognize the value of honoring her choices to nurture our relationship.
Miss Manners recommends exploring subtle gestures, such as offering to contribute a cake or another surprise, to show your daughter that you care while upholding her boundaries. Additionally, refraining from hinting at your presence nearby allows her to appreciate your respect for her decisions.
Dear Miss Manners: In formal settings, excusing oneself to use the ladies’ room warrants a polite “Excuse me.” For utmost formality, addressing royalty with “Excuse me, Your Majesty” is appropriate.
For daily etiquette insights, Miss Manners’ advice columns are available on washingtonpost.com/advice. Queries can be directed to Miss Manners via missmanners.com, or you can follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2024 Judith Martin