A friend of a friend is expecting a baby and, as part of the preparations – assembling a cot, purchasing a pram, and perhaps even engaging in unconventional practices like “sageing of the cervix” – she has enrolled her parents in “grandparenting classes.” If you’re anything like me, upon encountering that term, your mouth may have contorted into a perplexed shape, accompanied by a bear-like sound. But let’s take a step back.
Due to exorbitant childcare expenses and the unending “cost-of-living crisis,” where the phrase itself evokes a sense of dystopia, grandparents are increasingly taking on more babysitting responsibilities. Research indicates that a quarter of grandparents are dedicating up to 15 hours per week to childcare duties. A significant number are even opting for early retirement to assist their children coping with a pricey and rigid childcare system. Some grandparents are providing full-time childcare, with two-fifths of those still employed sacrificing up to three weeks of annual leave for this purpose. Having raised their own children, this generation’s “silver army” is now enlisted to raise their grandchildren as well. This role can oscillate between being a privilege and a joy, or a burdensome imposition leading to resentment, guilt, and subdued conflicts akin to the bitterness of bad gin.
I can personally relate to this scenario. Blessed with four healthy grandparents residing nearby, my two children effortlessly navigate through their homes, leaving chaos in their wake. While we previously had structured childcare arrangements, it has now evolved into a more casual yet equally delightful setup. For instance, during a recent trip to the cinema with my mother, my partner had to step out unexpectedly. My mother graciously offered to look after the kids until my return, exemplifying the seamless support they provide. However, during more extended babysitting periods, we witness the profound weariness etched on their faces, serving as a poignant reminder that these were meant to be their well-deserved years of relaxation. Alas, that luxury seems elusive.
Upon inquiring about grandparenting classes, my mother shed light on this phenomenon. These classes, known as Grantenatal courses, typically cost around £40 per session, although there are whispers of a premium course priced at £300 – presumably tailored for luxury babies. While the curriculum includes CPR training and tips on maintaining optimal baby warmth, the focus is primarily on newborns. As children mature, a whole new set of challenges emerge. According to my mother, a crucial aspect involves mastering the art of restraint and knowing when to stay silent.
The courses for grandparenting older children likely emphasize parent-child dynamics. Similar to NCT classes, they may offer guidance on navigating complex emotions, tactfully handling cancellations due to work commitments (or leisurely pursuits), and refraining from unsolicited comments that could inadvertently lead to conflicts. It’s about adapting to various dietary restrictions, even those that are perceived rather than real, and sustaining love for your adult child despite differing parenting styles that may challenge your beliefs.
Initially, I was indignant upon discovering these courses. Not only are we heavily reliant on our parents for support, but now we are subjecting them to assessments of their caregiving abilities? However, my perspective softened post-conversation. It dawned on me that parenting anxieties are not limited to newcomers; they can persist and evolve over time. If these classes instill confidence in grandparents and enable them to embrace their role joyfully, then I’m all for it. After all, they are the pillars upholding our families. The ultimate test lies in handling the grown-up versions of the little troublemakers they once raised.
For inquiries, you can reach out to Eva via email at [email protected] or connect with her on X @EvaWiseman_.