Co-parenting necessitates collaboration, effective communication, and organization between households, especially when tending to children with ADHD, who benefit from a structured environment. However, the process is often fraught with challenges. In a recent survey of ADDitude readers conducted during a live webinar on co-parenting, approximately 25% of participants cited dealing with an uncooperative co-parent as their primary hurdle. Other common difficulties encountered in co-parenting include:
- Ensuring clear communication: 17.86%
- Handling behavior influenced by ADHD: 17.86%
- Establishing boundaries regarding screen time: 15.13%
- Reaching consensus on schoolwork and homework expectations: 11.13%
- Emphasizing the importance of a consistent sleep schedule: 8.40%
- Supervising medication intake: 5.04%
In this context, individuals from the ADDitude community have shared their strategies for managing logistics, transitions, ADHD treatment, and more while engaging in co-parenting arrangements across different households.
Strategies for Successful Co-Parenting
“Our two households operate on contrasting structures. While Household One adheres to routines, plans for handling meltdowns, and maintains structure, Household Two, the weekend residence, is characterized by a ‘fun’ atmosphere with minimal rules or routines. To ensure consistency, we enlist the help of an aide to visit Household Two for two hours, providing assistance with homework, self-care, reminders, and emotional support.” — An ADDitude Reader
” The children use a single bag that travels between the two homes. This bag contains multiple compartments for items that are designated for this bag exclusively. It is labeled, and each home has a designated hook for the bag.” — An ADDitude Reader
[Q&A: “Inconsistent Routines and Discipline in a Shared Custody Situation”]
“I keep my son’s father informed about impending deadlines. As he tends to be meticulous, he ensures that assignments are completed on time.” — Jennifer, Australia
“We exchange daily updates about the children via text. While I manage supplies, Dad monitors Schoology (our learning management system). We also include each other in school-related emails. Initially, the biggest hurdle was managing screen time. My household had a more relaxed approach compared to Dad’s, causing the kids to resist transitioning between homes due to restrictions on technology use. We agreed that the kids could have 30 minutes of screen time upon arrival at Dad’s place, which alleviated the issue. Additionally, we acknowledge that certain things may be forgotten during transitions, and we never blame our children for these oversights. It is what it is.” — Katey, Minnesota
Katey’s additional advice:“Involve your child’s teachers and school counselor from the outset. The counselor, in particular, can act as a neutral mediator and assist in coordinating assignments between households.”
“While it’s challenging and we don’t always get it right, I portion out the medication and provide labeled pill pouches to my child’s father, who transfers them to a pill organizer at his residence. Thankfully, we maintain open communication and touch base several times a week regarding assignments, supplies, etc. We previously utilized the Cozi Family Organizer, which was beneficial. I’ve heard positive feedback about OurFamilyWizard from many families. When things start slipping through the cracks, we convene a family meeting.” — April, Washington
[Read: Crime and Punishment and ADHD: When Parents Disagree on Discipline]
” We conduct emotional check-ins during pick-ups and promptly address any issues that arise. Maximizing communication is key.” — Jessie, Nevada
“Given what I affectionately term our ‘collective executive dysfunction’ due to ADHD affecting both our child and us as parents, we have established a comprehensive setup at each home (including clothes, weather-appropriate gear, vitamins, toothbrushes, phone chargers, insurance cards, toys, etc.). **Our child proposed having the school administer her daily medication. This decision has instilled a more consistent routine and eased the morning rush. On transition days, I impose minimal restrictions and focus on enjoying our time together and readjusting to our routine. Finally, displaying GRACE during the transition between homes is crucial.” — An ADDitude Reader