Dear Carolyn,
I am currently navigating a divorce, and my 13-year-old son’s behavior is challenging. I understand that divorce impacts children significantly, but it is also emotionally taxing for adults, and I am finding it difficult to remain patient with him.
The primary issue we are facing is that we have agreed to let him choose which parent he will live with during the week, with weekends spent with the other parent. However, he is adamantly refusing to make a decision. Both my soon-to-be ex-spouse and I are unsure how to proceed and encourage him to make a choice. Any advice?
— Divorcing
Divorcing: It is crucial to acknowledge the emotional turmoil your son is experiencing amidst the dissolution of your family. Granting him the responsibility of selecting a primary caregiver can add to his distress. Pressuring him to choose between parents can burden him with unnecessary guilt and anxiety. It is essential for you and your ex-spouse to prioritize his well-being by making this decision collectively, focusing on his best interests. Consider factors like proximity to school, social circle, and extracurricular activities to determine the most suitable arrangement. Seeking mediation or professional guidance may facilitate this process and alleviate the strain on your son.
It is imperative to retract any hurtful remarks and approach this situation with empathy and understanding.
Readers’ insights:
- Prioritize your son’s academic and social stability when deciding his living arrangements to minimize disruptions during this challenging period.
- If your son is hesitant to choose, it may indicate feeling overwhelmed by the situation.
- Consulting a mental health expert can provide valuable guidance in handling this delicate decision-making process. Remember, shield your son from undue stress and communicate your support unequivocally.