It’s a scenario that invokes dread among frequent flyers and vacationers alike: being confined in a cramped metal vessel for eight hours, soaring through the sky at 35,000 feet. All you desire is to indulge in a movie, some music, or a captivating book.
However, instead of enjoying your chosen entertainment, you find yourself in the midst of a toddler turning the plane into his personal trampoline park, leaping on his tray table and creating a ruckus. Meanwhile, his parents seem unperturbed by their little one’s disruptive antics.
This nightmarish situation is not merely a figment of imagination—it is a reality that many have experienced firsthand. Instances like these have become commonplace in online communities such as Reddit. One user expresses frustration, stating, “I detest parents who allow their children to run wild, causing inconvenience to everyone else.” Another user, a seasoned parent of three, asserts, “The responsibility lies entirely with the parents, without a doubt.”
This trend has been attributed to the prevalence of what is termed “gentle” or “permissive” parenting, a phenomenon that is increasingly causing concern, as highlighted in a Newsweek report. It has also sparked debates within American society, with some viewing it as a welcome departure from the authoritarian approach that they believe contributes to emotionally stunted adults.
So, the question remains: are today’s parents nurturing a generation of entitled children, or are they simply adapting based on the lessons learned from their own upbringing?
Significance of Establishing Limits
A significant majority of individuals aged 43 and above perceive that contemporary children exhibit worse behavior compared to previous generations. According to a survey conducted for Newsweek by Redfield & Wilton Strategies, approximately two-thirds of baby boomers and 57 percent of Generation X individuals believe that behavior standards have declined. A staggering 71 percent of boomers and Gen Xers attribute this decline to parents being overly lenient with their children.
In contrast, over a third of Generation Z respondents (35 percent) indicated that they would not intervene if their children were running amok in a public setting, 38 percent would allow their children to watch videos without headphones in public, and a third would not address their children’s disruptive behavior such as kicking the seat in front of them on public transport, as revealed in a poll of 1,500 eligible U.S. voters.
These attitudes are also evident, albeit to a lesser extent, among millennials, who are more likely to be raising young children today. For instance, 10 percent of millennials stated that they would not intervene if their children were creating a disturbance in a public venue, and 26 percent would permit their children to watch videos without headphones in public.
Renowned clinical psychologist and bestselling author Becky Kennedy, popularly known as Dr. Becky on Instagram with a following of two million, advocates for firm parenting practices. Through her platform, Good Inside, she aims to assist parents in treating their children with respect while upholding boundaries. Kennedy observes that some parents have veered towards permissive parenting, possibly as a reaction to the strict upbringing they experienced.
Kennedy emphasizes the importance of acknowledging emotions but underscores that this should be complemented by setting and enforcing clear boundaries. She cautions against an approach that solely focuses on validation without due emphasis on boundaries.
Moreover, Kennedy points out the detrimental effects of historical parenting methods that relied on instilling fear to control children’s behavior. Such authoritarian parenting styles, she notes, contribute to issues in adulthood, fostering a sense of mistrust and disconnection in individuals.
According to Kennedy, tantrums are manifestations of unregulated emotions in children, underscoring the necessity of equipping children with the skills to manage their feelings effectively. By guiding children through emotional challenges and helping them develop coping mechanisms, parents can reduce instances of disruptive behavior.
Evolution of Parenting Attitudes
Over the past five decades, parenting attitudes have undergone significant transformations. Heidi Snellenburg, aged 65 and a mother of two adult sons, recalls the era when corporal punishment was prevalent during her upbringing in Cleveland, Ohio. In contrast, her generation was among the first to bring children to upscale New York restaurants, albeit with the expectation of well-behaved conduct.
Heidi notes the gradual shift in societal norms, where parents now seem more tolerant of disruptive behavior in public spaces, allowing children to act out without repercussions—a departure from the previous emphasis on discipline and decorum.
Amy DiBernardo, a New York City adolescent psychotherapist and mother, outlines four predominant parenting styles:
Authoritarian Parenting
This traditional approach involves setting strict boundaries without much explanation, often characterized by the phrase, “Because I said so,” when challenged.
Permissive Parenting
Conversely, permissive parenting entails a lack of rules and boundaries, granting children unrestrained freedom.
Neglectful Parenting
Neglectful parenting describes a hands-off approach where parents are largely disengaged from their children’s upbringing.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parenting, also known as sturdy or gentle parenting, strikes a balance between warmth and firmness. This style emphasizes setting boundaries while remaining flexible and considerate of the child’s perspective.
DiBernardo emphasizes the value of establishing boundaries and explains that authoritative parenting yields optimal outcomes for parent-child relationships.
In today’s complex and challenging environment, DiBernardo notes the prevalence of mental health issues among adolescents, highlighting the importance of nurturing resilient and well-adjusted individuals through effective parenting practices.
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author of The Gentle Parenting Book, challenges the notion that children today are worse behaved than previous generations. She asserts that throughout history, there have been complaints about the conduct of youth, yet data suggests positive trends in education and juvenile delinquency rates.
Juliette DeCarlo, a 46-year-old mother of three residing in Brooklyn, emphasizes the heightened pressures faced by children today, ranging from academic expectations to extracurricular demands. While acknowledging the evolving landscape of childhood experiences, she underscores the importance of instilling values of resilience and self-reliance in her children.
Louis DeCarlo, Juliette’s father, echoes concerns about contemporary parenting practices, noting a shift towards excessive consumerism and a lack of discipline among children. Despite these apprehensions, he recognizes the benefits of children’s comfort with technology, albeit cautioning against overreliance on electronic devices.
Kennedy addresses the issue of entitlement among children, attributing it to parents’ well-intentioned yet misguided efforts to shield their children from discomfort. She advocates for allowing children to experience and navigate challenging emotions, rather than constantly rescuing them from adversity.
Rethinking Parenting Strategies
Brent Trimble, a 51-year-old father from New Jersey, observes a trend of shielding children from adversity and shifting blame onto external factors when children face difficulties. He emphasizes the importance of teaching children resilience and perseverance in the face of challenges.
Rebecca Graham, a former high school teacher turned parent, reflects on the varying parental attitudes she encountered in educational settings. She stresses the need for a balanced approach that empowers children to advocate for themselves while respecting authority figures.
Graham, who now teaches music to preschoolers, highlights the importance of parental intervention in guiding children’s behavior in public spaces. She underscores the role of redirection and positive reinforcement in fostering appropriate conduct among young children.
As individuals navigate differing perspectives on parenting approaches, Kennedy encourages reflection on the underlying motivations guiding parental decisions. Rather than resorting to punitive measures, she advocates for equipping children with the skills to manage emotions and challenges effectively.
In a rapidly evolving social landscape, where parenting norms continue to evolve, the quest for effective strategies to nurture well-rounded and resilient individuals remains a shared endeavor.
Challenging Conventional Wisdom
At Newsweek, our commitment lies in challenging conventional wisdom and fostering dialogue that seeks to bridge divides and uncover shared values in an ever-changing world.