DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for over a year with someone I met at the gym. Our bond initially flourished due to our shared interests, caring nature, and similar sense of humor. However, we took a significant step by moving in together after just six months. Blending our families, especially in terms of parenting styles, has proven to be quite challenging. While my partner is assertive and firm in his approach, I tend to be more laid-back. He has offered guidance on managing my sons’ behavior, resulting in positive changes.
The issue arises from my boyfriend’s increasingly controlling behavior. He intervenes whenever he perceives disrespect or disobedience, often resorting to cursing and name-calling during disagreements. Despite his apologies, this pattern repeats itself, leading me to question the viability of our relationship. His criticism of my parenting approach, coupled with his verbal aggression, has become untenable. Is it time to consider a breakup? — SOMEWHAT HOPELESS
DEAR SOMEWHAT HOPELESS: Your boyfriend’s verbally abusive tendencies are a serious concern and should not be taken lightly. His behavior is not only detrimental to your relationship but also sets a negative example for your children. It is commendable that you are contemplating the situation rationally. Suggest couples counseling as a last attempt to salvage the relationship. If he declines or fails to address his behavior, prioritizing your well-being and that of your children by moving out may be the best course of action. It’s crucial to recognize that his actions go beyond assertiveness and veer into bullying territory.
DEAR ABBY: Your dedication to supporting your brother, despite his mental health challenges, is admirable. While maintaining his independence is important, his struggles with low self-esteem and social interactions present obstacles. His desire for your father’s approval, coupled with his difficulties in expressing emotions, has strained your relationship. It’s evident that reaching out to him is met with resistance and anger, making communication challenging.
Considering the emotional toll, it may be necessary to establish some emotional distance while still periodically checking in on him. Your brother’s behavior may stem from his mental health condition rather than any fault of yours. Contact him occasionally, maintain politeness in public encounters, and respect his boundaries if he reacts negatively. Remember, you cannot single-handedly resolve his issues. Listen to your conscience, continue to show empathy, and forgive yourself for any perceived shortcomings in supporting him.