I still experience the same sense of apprehension that gripped me when my parents cast a stern glance my way and issued a directive. I understood implicitly that defiance was not an option and I dared not question their authority. Although this period was relatively recent, the landscape has transformed significantly since then.
The rapid evolution of society and, by extension, parenting poses challenges in keeping pace with these changes. The once familiar retort “Because I said so” has lost its efficacy. Parents may find themselves perplexed when their children no longer respond as obediently to commands as they once did. Mere rules are no longer sufficient; they must now be accompanied by rationales, and herein lies the rationale:
1. Children are less reliant on parental guidance than ever before.
A pivotal factor driving the shift in parent-child dynamics is the diminishing dependency of children on their parents. Previously, parents held a more encompassing role, making decisions on behalf of their children with minimal room for discourse. Presently, parents remain deeply involved in their children’s lives, shuttling them around, providing sustenance, and making determinations regarding their education, extracurricular activities, and social circles.
Child ignoring parent.
Source: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels
Children today are exposed to a plethora of ideas and encounters that lie beyond parental influence, courtesy of social media and the heightened diversity and sway of their peers. Consequently, children are more inclined to seek the rationale behind their parents’ directives. Why must things be done in a particular manner when numerous alternatives exist? Hence, elucidation and comprehension have assumed paramount importance in contemporary parenting.
2. Many parents are shaping present circumstances while yearning for past outcomes.
The aspiration to shield children from the adversities endured in our own childhoods has inadvertently engendered unintended repercussions. Numerous parents declare, “I do not want my children to face the challenges I encountered.” Regrettably, this sentiment has spawned conditions that render parenting even more arduous.
Parents frequently furnish their children with cutting-edge gadgets, strive for unwavering availability instead of allowing them to navigate challenges independently, and cater to comforts they themselves lacked in childhood. Alas, this often culminates in indulged and entitled offspring (Sood and Nanda, 2022). Studies indicate that overparented children are more prone to developing psychological and behavioral issues (Segrin et al., 2015).
Evidently, children today pose more queries and contest the stipulated rules, feeling entitled to do so. Our compliance as children was more pronounced as many of us encountered greater constraints and were raised in a more disciplined milieu. Parents should not anticipate identical outcomes in a contemporary setting.
The Resolution:
Amidst this uncharted terrain, the crux lies in acknowledging the evolving dynamics and adapting parenting methodologies accordingly. The era of enforcing rules sans explication is yielding to a collaborative and communicative approach within a structured environment. Two fundamental alterations are imperative in modern parenting:
THE FUNDAMENTALS
1. Formulate a family mission that can serve as a recurrent touchstone for your family.
Child listening to engaged parent.
Source: RDNE Stock Project / Pexels
Rather than engaging in a clash of wills, devise a family mission statement that can function as a compass, guiding both parents and children in their conduct and decisions. Children should comprehend that the rules and guidance proffered are not arbitrary but stem from the collective objectives delineated for our family. Encourage children to contribute to shaping this mission.
This collaborative endeavor nurtures a sense of shared values and goals, facilitating children’s grasp of the rationale behind rules and expectations. Such an approach empowers children to internalize the values underpinning the rules, fostering a sense of accountability and self-discipline.
2. Children necessitate structure and opportunities to err.
In conjunction with guiding principles, environmental structure assumes paramount significance. A structured daily regimen offers children and parents alike clarity. Children thrive when cognizant of what lies ahead. This need not be restrictive.
- Present children with choices within defined parameters. Enable them to select between two nutritious meal options or decide on their preferred activity during leisure time. This bolsters their sense of empowerment and cultivates decision-making skills.
- Normalize setbacks as invaluable learning experiences. Emphasize that errors constitute a natural facet of learning and growth. Commend effort and perseverance rather than fixating solely on outcomes.
- Entrust children with age-appropriate responsibilities.
- Exemplify discipline and a resolve to surmount challenges. Let them witness your persistence, healthy dietary choices, and unwavering commitment to self-improvement.
Modern parenting mandates a departure from a not-so-distant past. Indeed, rules must be accompanied by rationales. No, this shift is not indicative of children being inferior to our generation. It merely underscores the reality that children are maturing in a markedly distinct milieu governed by disparate norms than those we encountered.
These transformations herald novel and promising prospects if we exhibit willingness to embrace them. Rather than merely complying with directives, we now have the opportunity to raise children who act in accordance not out of obligation but because it resonates with their intrinsic values. My aspiration in parenting is not for my children to act virtuously because I compel them to; I aspire for them to embody virtue as an intrinsic facet of their being. Welcome to contemporary parenting.