Dear Miss Manners:
Is it impolite to refer to a newborn by a name other than their full name without explicit permission from the parents?
We have bestowed upon our child a name with four syllables. While uncommon, it carries historical significance and is not overly complex in pronunciation. I anticipated that over time, the child might naturally adopt a shortened version of the name, as is common, but in the interim, I envisioned reveling in the use of the complete name we carefully selected, which holds significant personal meaning for me.
To my dismay, instead of hearing the full name, I have been disconcerted and offended by the unilateral decision of my in-laws and a few family members to opt for an abbreviated version of the name. Furthermore, they have altered the spelling in a manner that I strongly disapprove of, presumably based on the child’s gender. The full name has not been utilized even once.
Given that they have not yet met the child, these actions have transpired over social media, in text messages, and on packages. While I find this behavior cringeworthy, I am uncertain if I have the authority to correct them. I feel somewhat conflicted about enforcing the use of the full name when the child cannot express a preference yet. It could also be construed as impolite to correct family members who may simply be attempting to use a more endearing and less formal name for the newborn.
I am contemplating addressing my discomfort with their chosen moniker when they next visit us. What is your perspective on this matter?
That Methuselah has a long road ahead.
Miss Manners acknowledges that you may not have the jurisdiction to dictate what name your child’s relatives opt to use. However, you could consider expressing, “What a charming nickname! While we anticipate that everyone will develop their own affectionate variations, until our child is able to voice their preference, we prefer to use the full name to avoid any confusion. We trust you understand.” Despite the understanding that they may not comply and will likely disregard your request.
Dear Miss Manners:
During a recent incident where my husband informed me of an unexpected dinner guest from his workplace, I prepared a delightful meal, arranged for the children to spend time at a friend’s house, and dressed elegantly for the occasion.
As I served the meal and engaged in light conversation with our guest, the guest glanced at my plate and remarked, “Do you truly believe you should consume that much? Consider your size.” I was utterly astonished and chose to remain silent while continuing my meal. Neither did my husband intervene nor defend me against the inappropriate comment.
Upon reflection, I suspect that this scenario may have been orchestrated by my husband due to my slight weight gain, as he may have been unsure of how to broach the subject himself. I opted not to address the matter further. How should I have handled this situation?
Quoting the phrase “I will not tolerate insults in my own home,” Miss Manners suggests that this sentiment applies equally to your husband.
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