When my daughter was 3 years old, she underwent an evaluation by a developmental pediatrician, who diagnosed her as being on the spectrum with mild autism, specifically at level one. Fast forward to almost 5 years old now, and we have been navigating this journey for some time. What has caught me off guard is the constant feeling of being adrift between parents of neurotypical children and those with kids on the autism spectrum. I find myself not quite fitting into either group, which can be incredibly frustrating and isolating.
This sense of being an “outsider” actually began even before my daughter’s official diagnosis. While she met her developmental milestones within the typical timeframe as a baby, it always seemed to be at the eleventh hour. A close friend had a baby girl just two weeks before mine, and as she shared the excitement of her child’s milestones, like pulling up to stand and cruising, I was celebrating smaller victories like my daughter sitting independently. As they entered the toddler stage, my friend would talk about her child’s constant need for attention, while I wondered if mine would ever engage with me over a toy or invite me to play.
Over time, my husband and I noticed more signs of autism in our daughter, such as walking on tiptoes, delayed speech, and intense meltdowns. Despite our observations, many dismissed these behaviors as normal and believed she would eventually outgrow them. We were bombarded with unsolicited advice from well-meaning individuals on issues like her selective eating habits and social skills, which only added to our frustration.
Regardless of how hungry she may be, my daughter refuses to eat foods she deems unsafe. Moreover, a 3-year-old who cannot identify her classmates or teachers is not simply an introvert.
At a certain point, I stopped confiding in these individuals about my parenting challenges, not because of lack of support, but due to their inability to comprehend our situation.
Upon receiving the autism diagnosis for my daughter, I eagerly sought solace in online ASD parenting groups, hoping to find a sense of belonging. However, I soon realized that even within these groups, I felt like an outsider. Having a child just two points into the spectrum with a mild diagnosis meant I struggled to garner sympathy from parents dealing with more severe cases.
I understand their perspective. It’s challenging for a parent grappling with the prospect of lifelong support for their child to relate to my struggles with seemingly trivial issues like my daughter’s aversion to walking barefoot on cold floors. Just as parents of neurotypical children may not fully grasp my situation, I, too, struggle to connect with parents facing more complex challenges.
Despite these hurdles, I am grateful for a supportive husband, an understanding therapist, and a few friends who lend a listening ear without judgment. Yet, the longing for a mom friend who truly empathizes with my daily struggles remains.
Ashley Ziegler resides just outside Raleigh, NC, with her husband and two young daughters. As a freelance writer, she has delved into various topics but has a special affinity for pregnancy, parenting, lifestyle, advocacy, and maternal health.
If you’re ready for more, what’s up next?