When a man on his anniversary vacation becomes upset with an ‘intrusive’ couple, he turns to Reddit for advice:
“Am I in the wrong for refusing to cease showing affection towards my wife and confronting a couple about their unruly kids?”
Initially, both my wife [39F] and I [41M] didn’t believe that my actions were inappropriate. However, upon sharing the incident with our relatives, they expressed dissenting opinions. Therefore, I seek a more impartial judgment on the matter.
Recently, my wife and I commemorated our 15th wedding anniversary. Being deeply in love, we cherish such milestones and had meticulously planned a delightful vacation to mark the occasion (despite an immensely bothersome incident that fortunately did not significantly mar our experience).
During our stay at a luxurious hotel with a pool and hot tub, we frequented these amenities every evening. Although the hotel was relatively tranquil at that time of year, the last two nights saw the presence of a family at the hot tub and pool that we found quite vexatious.
The parents, seemingly around our age, had three children all under the age of 10 or 12 who were exceedingly loud and boisterous, with the parents making no effort to quiet them down.
On the final night of our stay, my wife and I were at the hot tub after a swim in the pool, quite late into the evening. She was seated on my lap (with her back against my stomach), my arms enveloping her, engaged in conversation and occasional pecks.
While the position may have appeared intimate, there was nothing inappropriate transpiring publicly, entirely suitable for a nighttime hot tub setting.
As the family entered the hot tub area where we were, the children were raucous, moving in and out of the hot tub, creating a considerable commotion. The parents sat apart from each other in the hot tub, more preoccupied with casting disapproving glances at us than attending to their children.
At one point, I gave my wife a kiss on the lips after she shared a joke with me. It was a tender kiss, devoid of any overtly explicit behavior.
This gesture seemed to unsettle the mother, prompting her to request that we refrain from such displays in the presence of their children (who were not paying us any heed). In response, I asserted that as a married couple in a hot tub at night, there was nothing amiss in sharing a kiss.
Subsequently, the father interjected, deeming our behavior “somewhat inappropriate” due to their kids’ presence and urging us to curb our affection while in proximity to them.
I retorted that we had no intention of altering our conduct when they couldn’t even manage their kids. They scowled at us, prompting my wife and me to adjourn to our room. Am I at fault?
In an update, OP shares:
I’ve been candid about my aversion to children, which may have heightened my sensitivity to the situation. Nonetheless, considering it was 9 pm and they were not even in the pool area but in the confined, echo-prone hot tub space, I found their presence rather irksome.
Admittedly, the context may not fully elucidate the situation, but she remarked, “Next year, I’ll give them a blank piece of paper and see how f-d their phylogenies are.” We had been discussing the class she taught the previous semester and the subpar performance of some students on the exam.
Top responses from Reddit users:
fictionalcontext comments:
My sentiments are mixed. Your affectionate gestures towards your wife were not inappropriate. There was no harm in that.
However, being in a hotel hot tub near a pool, it’s reasonable for children to be lively, splashing around and enjoying themselves. That’s typical child behavior around a pool. “MARCO!” “POLO!” “TAG!” “I’m gonna whack you with the water noodle!” “Cannonball!” They are simply playing and having fun.
If you sought a tranquil hot tub experience, opting for a room with a jacuzzi might have been more suitable since public pools are not exactly serene romantic retreats, haha.
childproof5 weighs in:
So… You desired a change in their behavior, and they desired a change in yours. All in a communal public space. I’m torn between ESH (Everyone Sucks Here) and NAH (No A**holes Here).
You emphasize the appropriateness of your actions—married! at night! in a hot tub!—while overlooking the fact that you were in a shared recreational area where others were enjoying themselves. You can continue kissing your wife, and the kids can continue being boisterous while playing.
makingburritos expresses:
ESH, I believe. The public display of affection seems excessive. It’s not just about the kids, but… you’re in the presence of other people? Sitting on your lap and engaging in public displays of affection in a communal space is rather inappropriate. Perhaps opting for a private jacuzzi or a couples-only resort would have been more suitable.
It’s slightly awkward in my view. This is a public space, and other individuals have also paid to utilize it. Transforming it into your private cuddle spot when it’s not is somewhat awkward.
Your remarks about the children are unwarranted. They were present, supervising their children. The kids weren’t violating any rules; they were utilizing the pool precisely as intended.
Just because they weren’t engaging in excessive PDA in the hot tub doesn’t imply they were incorrect. Once again, I’ll emphasize that a couples-only resort might have been a better choice. The kids did nothing wrong.
All in all, this was a failure of basic courtesy all around. Over-the-top PDA is immature and gives the impression that you lack the understanding of how to behave like adults in public.
All parties could have handled the situation better. While excessive public displays of affection are inappropriate, they were within their rights. The family could have minded their own business.
defiantkid’s perspective:
YTA (You’re the A**hole). The kids were exuberant at a pool? You were seated with your wife in your lap, engaging in kisses and caresses in a public setting, but their kids are bothersome for enjoying themselves in a pool at 9 pm?
This is not your private space, although you seem to wish it were. In a public setting, you should expect diverse individuals. In a similar scenario at a hotel pool, a couple engaging in such behavior drew onlookers’ attention. You are in a public setting.
truestock7’s viewpoint:
YTA. While I understand your affection for each other, public displays of affection such as sitting on laps and kissing can be uncomfortable in confined spaces like a hot tub. It would have been prudent to desist when informed that others were uncomfortable, rather than insisting on your marital status.
Your actions made others uneasy, and when requested to cease, you responded rudely, criticizing their parenting. If you wish to be affectionate, opt for a private setting where you won’t discomfort others. The hot tub was not exclusively yours, and honestly, you would have made me uncomfortable as well.