Dear Carolyn:
My significant other and I are in the process of blending our families, each with two children aged between 5 and 10. While we are following expert advice by establishing shared routines, quality time, and respecting the kids’ space, we still encounter challenges. One particular difficulty I face is when one child exhibits unkind behavior towards the others. I can’t help but feel a sense of guilt, knowing that our decision as adults has brought about this situation for the children. Any words of wisdom, advice, or recommended resources would be greatly appreciated.
— Blended
Blended: It’s not uncommon for kids to exhibit meanness towards each other, even in non-blended families. Address any recurring patterns of unkindness promptly, especially if it leads to cruelty or targeting of specific individuals. While you may feel added responsibility due to the family blending, your role remains consistent: to exemplify loving civility and prioritize the emotional well-being of all children involved. Flexibility in parenting approaches tailored to your unique family dynamics is key, rather than adhering strictly to conventional norms.
A reader shared a valuable insight:
- Despite the challenges, your dedication to fostering a harmonious blended family will have a lasting positive impact on your children. Recognizing and openly acknowledging the effort required in maintaining family unity can serve as a powerful model for your kids, shaping their perceptions of healthy relationships. Stay committed to your thoughtful approach, as it will yield rewards in the long run.
Dear Carolyn:
I find myself in a situation where two friends constantly try to outdo me in every aspect, leaving me unsure of how to respond. For instance, when I shared my struggles with having covid, one friend downplayed my experience by highlighting how effortlessly she managed the illness, focusing on watching her favorite TV shows. How should I address these one-upping tendencies in my friends?
— Friend
Friend: Consider reevaluating the dynamics of your friendships and whether they align with your values. Responding humorously by acknowledging their competitive nature can subtly address the issue. Alternatively, expressing admiration for their achievements in a lighthearted manner may help diffuse any tension. Ultimately, maintaining your authenticity and safeguarding your joy are paramount in navigating such interactions.