Americans dedicate a significant amount of time using the term “dad” to describe various aspects of life. “Dad rock” refers to guitar-driven music popular during the Nixon or Ford administrations, often featuring extended drum solos or albums showcasing imaginary planets. “Dadcore” involves dressing without much consideration for fashion trends. “Dad friends” are friendly but may not be the life of the party. A “dad bod” is seen as attractive yet on the verge of middle-age spread. “Dad energy” entails behaving in a goofy manner reminiscent of a middle-aged man, regardless of actual age. “Dad jokes” typically consist of cheesy puns.
These phrases collectively portray an image of someone uncool, slightly embarrassing, and unconcerned about others’ opinions. However, they share a commonality—they don’t reflect the actual responsibilities of parenting.
The term “mom,” on the other hand, often conveys a sense of being overwhelmed (as in “mom brain”) or nurturing (like a “mom friend”). In contrast, when used as an adjective, “dad” suggests someone free from all duties. This notion seems rooted in the past, when men had more time to indulge in hobbies like classic rock or craft beer due to lesser involvement in childcare and household chores. However, the reality today is different for many fathers, myself included.
While women still typically spend more time on childcare than men, the gap has decreased significantly over the years. Fathers now devote more time to caring for their children compared to previous generations. Many fathers, especially those with higher education, are increasingly involved in hands-on parenting, spending over 10 hours a week on child care activities. This shift signifies a desire among men to be more engaged parents, challenging traditional stereotypes of fatherhood.
Despite these changes, cultural perceptions of fathers often fail to acknowledge the significant role of masculine caregiving in parenting. Media representations of fathers, such as TV characters like Ted Lasso or Homer Simpson, often perpetuate outdated stereotypes. While jokes about dads may seem harmless, they overshadow the hard work and dedication involved in raising children.
As fathers take on more caregiving responsibilities, they face challenges similar to those traditionally encountered by mothers, such as limited affordable childcare options and insufficient support for work-life balance. It’s crucial to move away from outdated stereotypes and recognize the evolving roles of fathers in modern parenting.
So, while you may tease me for my taste in old-school hip-hop, please don’t undermine my parenting skills. If you must poke fun at my “dad energy,” focus on my passion for helping with homework or my off-key lullabies. Let future stereotypes playfully highlight the multifaceted nature of fatherhood, emphasizing the crucial role fathers play in raising children. And remember, some things will never change—dads will always have a knack for cracking terrible jokes.
Saul Austerlitz, a versatile writer and adjunct professor at New York University, sheds light on the evolving landscape of fatherhood and the importance of recognizing the dedication of involved fathers in today’s society.