Dear Amy: My spouse and I hold differing views on our 20-year-old daughter, who is a sophomore at a European university and is dating a fellow sophomore. When she returns home for the summer, he plans to visit.
During discussions with my spouse, I mentioned that I expect him to stay in our guest room while our daughter stays in her own room. My spouse argues that since they practically live together at college, it should be allowed at home too. While I understand this, I feel uneasy explicitly permitting them to share a room in our house. I struggle to articulate it, but it just doesn’t sit well with me.
Am I influenced by societal attitudes towards sex and my Catholic upbringing, or is there validity in wanting them to have separate sleeping arrangements?
— Contemplative Father in the Pacific Northwest
Contemplative: Your reaction may indeed be influenced by societal and religious factors, but fundamentally, it’s a paternal instinct. It’s about the protective bond between fathers and daughters that transcends logic. This dynamic is often more pronounced compared to mothers and daughters.
You are aware that your daughter and her boyfriend are sexually active, but you prefer not to confront it within your home. Moreover, since the boyfriend is essentially a stranger to you, allowing him to stay with your daughter challenges your instinct to safeguard her. Your reaction is legitimate because you are experiencing it.
Realize that they will likely share a room regardless. To find a middle ground, consider offering them two rooms—one for his accommodation and the other for their discretion. This approach allows you to maintain a sense of detachment while acknowledging their relationship.
This situation presents an opportunity to begin the gradual process of letting go, a necessary step in parenting.
Dear Amy: I’m a single man in my mid-40s who connected with a woman online during the pandemic. We communicated extensively through texts, calls, and video chats. Although our interaction waned, she recently reconnected with me. We decided to meet halfway between our locations.
On the day of our meeting, she informed me that she had to undergo hospital tests. Despite my concern and offers of assistance, she distanced herself. Weeks later, she revealed that she has cancer and prefers not to meet or communicate.
This situation feels perplexing. How should I interpret this?
— Troubled
Troubled: If she chooses not to meet due to her illness, respect her decision. While challenging, it’s crucial to honor her wishes. However, there’s a possibility that she fabricated this situation to end the connection.
It’s advisable to meet in person early in an online relationship to gauge mutual interest in a real-world connection.
Dear Amy: _I appreciate your response to “Torn in CA,” who was concerned about her child’s friends engaging in risky behavior and contemplated informing their parents. Your acknowledgment that risk-taking is common among teenagers, including “good kids,” was surprising. Typically, your views on risky decisions are quite different._
— Experienced and Resilient
Resilient: I’ll accept this unconventional compliment and gracefully exit the scene.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.