In our heightened emotional states, it’s easy to overlook the fact that children experience emotions just as intensely, if not more so. Consequently, they may exhibit more reckless behavior.
This heightened emotional sensitivity in children can lead to impulsive actions when they are unable to articulate their feelings effectively. Instead of expressing themselves verbally, they may resort to tantrums, breaking things, yelling, and saying things that can be upsetting to their parents.
According to Tracey Stewart, a psychologist based in Dubai, children’s intense emotions can overwhelm the parts of their brain responsible for reason and logic, resulting in a state of ‘dysregulation.’ This makes it challenging to reason with the child in such moments. To help the child calm down, it is crucial for the parent to maintain a sense of ‘infectious’ calm.
When dealing with a child’s emotional outburst, it’s essential for parents to regulate their own emotions first. By staying calm and composed, parents can model the behavior they want to see in their children. This concept of ‘co-regulation’ emphasizes that both the parent and child are on the same team, working together to navigate intense emotions.
To effectively co-regulate with a child, it’s important to be mindful of your body language and reactions. Avoid impulsive responses and instead, focus on maintaining eye contact, taking deep breaths, and providing physical reassurance through gestures like hugs or gentle touch.
Using fewer words during a child’s emotional outburst can also be beneficial. Sometimes, silence and physical comfort can speak volumes and help in calming the child down. By validating the child’s emotions without necessarily agreeing with their behavior, parents can create a sense of acceptance and understanding.
Co-regulation should not be confused with indifference. It involves acknowledging and addressing the child’s emotions without escalating the situation. By demonstrating empathy, active listening, and maintaining a sense of calm, parents can effectively co-regulate with their children.
In challenging moments, parents can remind themselves that they are not in imminent danger by using the mantra “I’m not being chased by a bear.” This helps regulate the parent’s own fight-or-flight response, creating a sense of stability for the child to lean on during moments of distress.
Ultimately, the goal of parenting is not just to modify behavior but to instill character and resilience in children. By embodying healthy emotional regulation themselves, parents can guide their children towards developing essential emotional skills and coping mechanisms.