You know your child is transitioning into the tween years when they begin referring to you as ‘bruh,’ avoid communication, and act as though they wish to disappear because of your mere presence.
This phase can be disheartening, as it may seem like your affectionate child has been replaced by a stranger who is quick to express disdain and retreat to their chaotic bedroom.
If you are a parent preparing for the challenging teenage years ahead, it’s important to recognize the positive aspects of their increasingly frustrating behavior.
They refer to you as ‘bruh’
During their younger years, your tween likely viewed you as an all-knowing superhero. However, as they grow older, they start to perceive you as a flawed individual.
This shift in perspective prompts them to redefine your relationship by altering the way they address you.
Why it’s a positive sign: Around the age of nine, tweens begin to contemplate a future where they must assert independence from you. This involves creating some distance.
While they may still desire your company, changing how they address you, such as transitioning from ‘Mom/Dad’ to ‘bruh,’ ‘bro,’ or ‘dude,’ signifies their desire for a more mature connection.
View this adjustment as your tween’s attempt to establish a new, adult-like bond with you.
Their rooms are in disarray
In the past, your child’s room may have been a space for sleep and playthings. However, as they approach their teenage years, you may notice a gradual accumulation of items like clothes, schoolwork, and gadgets around their sleeping area. When you point out the mess, they may not see it as an issue.
Why it’s a positive sign: While you might interpret their untidiness as a lack of regard for their belongings or your home, their messy room serves as a sanctuary from adult regulations and expectations. It allows them to unwind and express themselves as they navigate the complexities of adolescence.
To them, the clutter represents familiarity, and they perceive it differently from you. While it may appear chaotic to you, they view it as their space to explore various identities and interests.
They find you embarrassing
After years of showering your child with love, it can be painful to hear them label you as embarrassing simply for being yourself, whether it’s due to your attire or your enthusiasm for singing along to a favorite song.
Why it’s a positive sign: As they transition into their teenage years, children become acutely self-conscious as they construct an ‘imaginary audience’ of peers who scrutinize their every action.
While you may find this behavior perplexing, adapting to the norms of their social circle is crucial for their development, even if no one else is around to witness it.
They exclaim, ‘I hate you!’
As children mature, they begin to assert their independence and believe they should have more autonomy over their lives. Expressing ‘I hate you!’ in moments of frustration is a quick, albeit hurtful, way for them to convey their emotions.
Why it’s a positive sign: This outburst indicates that your child trusts you enough to express their anger openly, secure in the knowledge that your love for them remains unwavering. It showcases their growing ability to understand and navigate complex emotions.
When asked about their day at school, they respond with ‘Nothing!’
While your child may have eagerly shared their school experiences in the past, their newfound reticence may leave you feeling excluded.
Why it’s a positive sign: This shift signifies their journey towards individuality, privacy, and setting boundaries as they mature and develop their own thoughts and emotions.
To maintain a strong connection with your tween, explore alternative modes of communication and activities that allow for bonding without pressure or judgment.
Adapted from “What’s my Tween Thinking? Practical Child Psychology for Modern Parents,” published by DK on February 13
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