“AITA for refusing to continue a family tradition that isn’t mine?”
In our household, we are gearing up to celebrate two upcoming birthdays – my wife’s son Marcel, who is turning 16, and her daughter Marceline, who is turning 13. When I inquired about their birthday wishes, both expressed contentment with just receiving a “normal gift.” However, my wife then reminded me of the “traditional luggage gift,” shedding light on a family custom that I was not familiar with. This tradition of gifting a luggage set on a child’s 16th birthday belonged to my ex-wife’s family, not mine, and I had no prior involvement in it.
Several years back, one of my ex’s sisters, who was employed at a high-end luggage company, facilitated the continuation of this tradition by offering discounted luggage to the younger generation in the family, including my daughter and her cousins. As my daughter approached her 13th birthday, amidst the aunt’s impending retirement and personal circumstances, they decided to bestow upon her the luggage set to ensure her inclusion in the tradition.
I have always held the view that this tradition is extravagant and unreasonable, considering the exorbitant cost involved. Spending a substantial amount, such as $1,000, on luggage for a child seems excessive to me, especially when I wouldn’t indulge in such an expense for myself. Despite expressing my reservations about this practice, my ex-wife perceives my daughter’s acceptance of the gift as an adoption of the tradition into our family, which I vehemently disagree with. Refraining from endorsing the idea of gifting expensive luggage does not equate to favoritism towards my daughter over Marcel and Marceline.
Moreover, the financial burden of acquiring these lavish gifts for all the children would be substantial, far exceeding what the aunt spent on my daughter’s set. While my daughter’s set came at no cost to me and \(1,000 for the aunt with her discount, replicating this for the other children would amount to \)2,000 per set, totaling $4,000.
Consequently, tensions have arisen as I am perceived as devaluing Marcel and Marceline by deviating from this tradition and suggesting that they do not merit similar treatment to my daughter. Do you believe my stance on this matter is unreasonable?
First Update:
The luggage set comprised items suitable for carry-on purposes, with only the checked bag incurring expenses during my daughter’s relocation to my residence, necessitated by her full-time stay with me. Over the years, she transitioned from residing in the dorm to an apartment, accumulating more possessions along the way. While the upcoming move may pose challenges due to additional furniture, the existing luggage set and accompanying plastic tubs have facilitated her previous relocations effectively. It’s worth noting that the luggage set comprises a backpack, a duffle bag, a carry-on suitcase, and a large suitcase, devoid of any symbolic connotations. Despite the practicality of the luggage, communication between my daughter and her cousin has ceased since her relocation, a mutual decision that coincided with the substantial amount of belongings she brought along.
Reader Reactions:
nocustomer0 highlights the absurdity of expecting parity in gift-giving traditions across the children, especially considering the strained relationship between my daughter and her mother’s family. The emphasis is placed on the impracticality and insensitivity of adhering to a tradition associated with a past familial connection.
wonderfulman8 echoes the sentiment that the expectations set by my wife for uniform gift-giving overlook the context and origins of the tradition, thereby setting the stage for disappointment among the children. The exorbitant cost of the luggage set is also deemed excessive, warranting a reconsideration of the gift’s necessity.
theo9 supports my decision to refrain from extending the tradition to all children, emphasizing the distinction between the origin of the tradition and the financial implications of replicating it. Suggesting a more affordable alternative for the children is proposed as a practical solution.
ellemania questions the rationale behind upholding a tradition rooted in a familial connection that no longer holds relevance, advocating for the establishment of new traditions. The practicality and necessity of the luggage set for the children are scrutinized, with a call for a reevaluation of priorities.
fullmoontwister questions the logic behind enforcing a tradition that was specific to my daughter’s 16th birthday on all children, particularly when the circumstances surrounding the gift differ for each individual. The disparity in treatment and expectations between the children is underscored, urging a reevaluation of the situation.
concretism scrutinizes the expectation of financial parity across gifts from different familial sources, highlighting the impracticality and unfairness of such demands. The need for a broader discussion with my wife regarding her expectations and the implications of maintaining financial balance among the children is emphasized.