In 1995, my inaugural date took place when I was “invited out.” The gentleman was required to ring our doorbell and enter, following a formal protocol reminiscent of a cotillion. Our mode of transportation was his parents’ Oldsmobile, leading us to an uncomfortable dinner at the Border Café in Harvard Square, where he graciously covered the bill. I vividly remember my mother’s advice that it was considered “forward” for girls to initiate calls, hence I refrained from dialing his number until months later, only to have his mother pick up. The cringe-worthy scenario felt like a throwback to a bygone era, akin to 1902.
Fast forward to today, where communication is predominantly through texting, talking, DM’ing, and Snaps. Ignoring a message is now perceived as a dismissal, while leaving someone “on open” signifies acknowledging the message but choosing not to respond, a more severe form of disregard.
Dr. Rachel Kramer, a clinical psychologist based in Concord, observes a trend among youngsters who prefer interacting from behind screens with earbuds in place. The prevailing sense of peril in the world, from the pandemic to school shootings to climate change, contributes to heightened anxiety levels. While this digital shield may protect introverted kids from some dating challenges, it also hinders the valuable lessons learned through face-to-face encounters.
The landscape of modern “dating,” if it can be called that, is largely virtual. Given my own upbringing in a less technologically-driven era — a sentiment likely shared by parents of teenagers today — I sought insights from a panel of four experts to outline crucial aspects of contemporary teen relationships. While certain elements remain timeless, such as feelings of rejection and exclusion, others are distinctly novel and may offer a sense of relief to those of us in middle age. For parents navigating their child’s entry into the realm of modern romance, the following points are essential.
Feelings of inadequacy are common due to the pervasive nature of social media, facilitating comparisons with others. The image of the awkward late bloomer is a familiar trope, reminiscent of John Hughes films and indie ballads. However, social media accentuates these developmental disparities.
Dr. Kramer recommends exposing kids to diverse role models to counter feelings of unpopularity or isolation. Rather than recounting personal anecdotes of past romantic missteps, she suggests using movies and TV shows as relatable references to validate their emotions.
Highlight your child’s strengths amidst feelings of rejection. Acknowledge their struggles without diminishing their emotions, focusing instead on their unique qualities and interests to bolster their self-esteem.
Recognize the differing maturity timelines between boys and girls. Dr. Michael Thompson notes the early onset of puberty in girls, leading to complex dynamics in relationships. While girls may seek validation from boys early on, boys are often preoccupied with establishing social status among their peers.
Encourage open dialogue by posing questions rather than imposing directives. By engaging your child in thoughtful discussions, you gain insight into their perspective without imposing your views.
A degree of drama can be beneficial in fostering emotional growth. Dr. Tony Rao underscores the importance of varied experiences to prevent overreliance on early relationships, which may prove challenging to navigate in the long run.
Facilitate the expansion of their social circle beyond immediate surroundings. Encourage involvement in diverse activities and settings to cultivate lasting connections beyond the confines of school or neighborhood.
Empower your child to assert their boundaries and emphasize the importance of consent from an early age. Teaching them to advocate for their comfort and well-being sets a crucial foundation for healthy relationships.
Establish an exit strategy for uncomfortable situations. Encourage your child to communicate openly and provide them with a safety net, such as a predetermined signal, to ensure they feel supported and secure.
For further insights, reach out to Kara Baskin at [email protected] or follow her @kcbaskin.