There are few life events more momentous than the arrival of a first child, making it an incredibly thrilling experience for those close to the new parents. It’s common to feel the urge to reach out and support the new parents immediately, whether through a home-cooked meal, offering to hold the baby, or showering them with adorable baby clothes. However, amidst the excitement, it’s crucial to remember that assisting a new parent is about focusing on their needs and journey.
The initial year of parenthood can be overwhelmingly busy, and it might take some time for new parents to feel ready for visits from friends and family. When they are prepared, it’s essential to provide support in ways that align with their preferences and timing, rather than solely based on what you think is helpful. So, how can you be there for new parents without overwhelming them? Shawna Lander, a popular figure on TikTok, shares some valuable insights.
Lander, a talented actor, writer, and mother of two, is recognized for sharing parenting advice through engaging skits on TikTok. While she initially focused on relatable mom moments, her content gained significant attention following her battle with breast cancer in 2021. Now in remission, Lander continues to offer her almost 449,000 followers skits addressing various social challenges that arise in parenthood.
Covering a wide range of parenting scenarios, from scheduling the first pregnancy appointment to navigating relationships with grandparents, Lander’s videos offer guidance not only for new parents but also for friends seeking advice on proper etiquette. She emphasizes the importance of supporting new parents without imposing personal experiences, understanding the significance of respecting their journey and choices.
Here are Lander’s key etiquette rules for engaging with new parents:
Congratulate Promptly, but Respect Their Space
Sending a congratulatory message upon hearing about the baby’s arrival is thoughtful, but understand that new parents may not respond immediately due to their busy schedule. Lander suggests waiting at least two weeks before inquiring about visiting.
Avoid suddenly increasing your communication frequency with the new parents. Respect their space and pace by maintaining contact based on your pre-baby relationship. If you were in regular contact, check in every one to three days; if communication was less frequent, reach out every few weeks.
Follow Their Lead
Supporting new parents effectively requires understanding that each parenting journey is unique. Respect their choices and provide encouragement tailored to their specific needs.
Allow new parents to dictate the flow of communication and visits. If they seem eager to share details, engage with enthusiasm; if they appear reserved, refrain from prying. Respect their boundaries and comfort levels.
Keep Visits Simple and Stress-Free
During visits, keep interactions brief and assure the new parents that you don’t expect elaborate hosting. Focus on making their lives easier rather than adding to their responsibilities.
The nature of your visit should align with your relationship with the parents. For casual visits, bring a meal, express your support, admire the baby briefly, and limit your stay to 15 minutes. For closer relationships, shower them with praise for their child while actively listening to their experiences.
Offer Advice Thoughtfully
Offering advice to new parents should be approached with sensitivity. Only provide guidance if asked or if you receive explicit permission to share your insights.
Respect their autonomy by refraining from unsolicited advice. If they express interest, share your knowledge; if not, trust in their capabilities and avoid imposing your opinions.
Support Goes Beyond Holding the Baby
While it’s acceptable to ask to hold the baby, understand and respect the parents’ decision if they decline. Instead of assuming that holding the baby is always helpful, offer practical assistance based on their preferences.
Consider offering to help with household tasks or caring for the baby to give the parents a break. Express genuine willingness to support them without making assumptions about their needs.
Prioritize Parental Care
Remember to focus on supporting the new parents as much as the baby. Acknowledge their efforts and show appreciation for their role in this new chapter of their lives.
When selecting gifts, consider items from their baby registry or thoughtful gestures like gift cards for food delivery services. During visits, bring small treats such as coffee or flowers, or go the extra mile by arranging a house cleaning service for them.
Respect Their Readiness for Visitors
Recognize that new parents are undergoing significant adjustments and may need time to acclimate to their new roles. Avoid taking it personally if they are not yet prepared for visitors.
Grant them the space they need to settle into parenthood without feeling pressured. Understand that their focus is on adapting to their new reality, and be patient and supportive during this transition.
In conclusion, supporting new parents requires sensitivity, respect for their boundaries, and a willingness to assist in ways that alleviate their stress. By following these etiquette guidelines, you can ensure that your interactions with new parents are meaningful and supportive, contributing positively to their parenting journey.