Before becoming a mother, I anticipated that motherhood would bring about changes. I was aware that it would impact the time available for myself during the day, alter my body, and shift the course of my career. However, the profound extent of its transformative effect on me took me by surprise.
The transition to new motherhood entails a significant overhaul not only physically but also in terms of hormonal fluctuations, daily routines, cognitive processes, and life direction.
In my quest for a metaphor to encapsulate this journey, the concept of kintsugi resonates with me: the Japanese art of mending shattered pottery with gold. While the vessel may have been fractured and reconstructed—appearing almost unchanged—it is forever transformed, now enriched with precious metal.
This process of unraveling and remaking is aptly termed matrescence. Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s, matrescence mirrors adolescence in being a period of profound transformation experienced in early motherhood.
Describing the breadth of these changes across various realms—biological, psychological, social, political, and spiritual—clinical psychologist Aurélie Athan, PhD, likens matrescence to the developmental upheaval of adolescence.
Despite matrescence gaining traction in discussions among new mothers, there remains a dearth of discourse beyond these circles. It is imperative for individuals contemplating motherhood and those supporting new mothers to receive more education on navigating the phases of matrescence. As Dr. Athan advocates, “We’ve made strides in sexual education. Now we require similar progress in reproductive education. This is not solely a concern for girls.”
Acknowledge the Transformative Power of Motherhood
The foremost change that many anticipate pre-pregnancy revolves around the physical alterations their bodies will undergo. In hindsight, my concerns about having a softer belly (which I do), broader hips (which I have), and stretch marks on my skin seem trivial compared to the psychological metamorphosis: the reshaping—and rediscovery—of identity prompted by motherhood.
Recalling her matrescence journey, Lucy Jones, author of “Matrescence: On Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood,” reflects, “I sensed a profound shift occurring within me—physically, certainly, as I carried my child, but also psychologically, neurologically, socially, existentially, emotionally—and how seismic it felt in contrast to the trivialization of motherhood in our society.”
This underscores a fundamental issue: while undergoing this monumental transformation internally, mothers are expected to seamlessly resume their daily routines as if nothing has changed.
Before welcoming my baby and even in the initial postpartum phase, I staunchly resisted the notion of undergoing any change, as journalist Ella Delancey Jones candidly expresses in her motherhood newsletter, So Basically, Like.
This denial of the transformative impact of motherhood is steeped in latent misogyny. While outwardly challenging harmful stereotypes portraying mothers as uninteresting, solely fixated on their children, or devoid of ambition, we inadvertently perpetuate these stereotypes.
Undoubtedly, motherhood has altered me. It has evoked in me a sense of heightened creativity and capability. My priorities and impetuses have realigned around my daughter. My advocacy, particularly concerning gender equality and reproductive rights, has intensified and become more resolute. Far from limiting my aspirations and perspectives, this surge in creativity and capability has broadened my horizons and ambitions.
Recognize the Shared Experience of Matrescence
However, matrescence can be an isolating journey.
Amidst the whirlwind of postpartum challenges, armed with copious information on infant care and, if fortunate, some guidance on physical recovery and hormonal fluctuations, a mother’s emotional well-being often goes unaddressed.
In the depths of postpartum, akin to generations of new mothers before me, I stumbled upon the term matrescence. Cradling my newborn as I scrolled through Instagram on my phone, I marveled at the solace of connecting with fellow mothers in this digital age.
The algorithm swiftly discerned my nascent motherhood phase, inundating my feed with parenting tips, breastfeeding memes, and poignant, emotion-laden quotes. While the exact wording eludes me, the impact of one particular post remains vivid—how it resonated with me during those endless scrolling nights, eliciting a gasp and a sense of validation, as though someone finally comprehended my emotions.
Many mothers I interact with, both offline and online, stumbled upon the term matrescence much like I did: amidst the throes of the experience or even later on. Nicky Elliott, host of the “Women’s Business” podcast and a mother of two, reflects, “I was oblivious to matrescence before having kids. The term didn’t cross my radar until well after both my children were born, but its introduction was an epiphany that brought clarity.”
“Having an explanation not only of what I had undergone but also acknowledging that a tangible transformation had indeed transpired was enlightening and liberating. Yet, it was tinged with a sense of melancholy for the former me who navigated that phase unaware,” Elliott shares.
Similarly, Susannah Dale, founder of The Maternity Pledge—an organization supporting the transition to motherhood in professional settings—echoes this sentiment: “Matrescence wasn’t on my radar until I experienced it firsthand. I wish I had been aware of it earlier. Having the vocabulary to converse with fellow mothers would have alleviated the sense of solitude.”
“Mothers affirm that it links them to the broader legacy of motherhood.”
Through motherhood, I cultivated friendships reminiscent of the camaraderie witnessed in school—a profound bond forged during teenage years in classrooms and playgrounds. However, these relationships primarily blossomed from our shared encounters with matrescence and the challenges of early motherhood. Dr. Athan notes, “It not only forges connections with fellow mothers you know but also transcends time and space, bridging geographical and historical divides. Mothers affirm that it links them to the broader legacy of motherhood.”
Advocate for Enhanced Awareness on Matrescence
Matrescence, akin to adolescence, heralds a substantial and enduring transformation. Yet, unlike adolescents, new mothers are accorded minimal leeway or understanding to navigate these changes. Expecting individuals to remain unchanged at their core post-childbirth mirrors anticipating a 16-year-old to retain the same values, motivations, and beliefs as their 10-year-old self.
Jones emphasizes, “The metamorphosis of matrescence is inevitable, and every matrescence, akin to adolescence, is unique. While we envision women transitioning seamlessly into motherhood with ease and joy, the reality for some can be intricate, precarious, and vulnerable, underscoring the inadequate support prevalent in dominant cultures in the Global North.”
Articulating and discussing the process of matrescence marks just the initial phase in normalizing the monumental changes experienced in early motherhood. It is imperative to educate partners and employers on the potential transformations observed in new mothers and how best to extend support. This shift in perspective can help reframe change not as a negative byproduct of motherhood but as a potent, indispensable evolution.
Zoe Pickburn, a writer, journalist, and essayist delving into themes of motherhood and domestic gender parity, resides in Yorkshire, UK, with her spouse and daughter.