The holiday season is upon us, and as you add the final touches to all the enchanting Christmas preparations crafted by mom, you may find yourself anticipating your children’s potential lack of gratitude during family gift exchanges if they fail to promptly express their thanks.
Fortunately, Dr. Becky comes to the rescue once more, offering guidance on instilling manners and appreciation in your children prior to receiving gifts, while cautioning against coercing them to say “thank you” or engaging in a power struggle in the heat of the moment.
In a viral video, she conveys, “Let’s give ourselves permission as parents not to engage in a battle of wills with our children if they overlook expressing gratitude to a family member for a holiday gift.” She clarifies, “You might be questioning, does Dr. Becky not value manners? Actually, I consider manners quite significant, but I believe there’s a better approach that benefits everyone.”
Dr. Becky advocates for proactive preparation and rehearsal of these values with our children instead of placing them in uncomfortable situations. She emphasizes, “We should not instill gratitude or manners, the internal sentiment required for genuine expressions of thanks, through shame or coercion. This method is ineffective for kids and adults alike. Instead, we can impart these values through readiness, practice, and setting an example.”
She proceeds to offer three sample dialogues to initiate with your child before an event where gifts are expected:
“Engage your child in a conversation, ‘I anticipate that people will be giving you gifts. How do you plan to respond? Shall we practice?’”
“Another approach could be, ‘Sometimes it’s challenging to express gratitude for a gift you may not particularly like. Nevertheless, we can acknowledge the gesture by saying thank you even if the gift isn’t ideal.’”
“If your child still struggles to say thank you, demonstrate it yourself. ‘Thank you very much. Tommy is thrilled with this gift.’ ‘Thank you so much, you know Raj enjoys puzzles, and you chose a perfect one for him. That’s very considerate!’”
Dr. Becky concludes the video by affirming that these strategies are more effective in the moment and in fostering genuine gratitude and manners in children over time.
During this hectic season, especially for mothers, remember to be kind to yourself and your children. Even if the words of gratitude are not immediate this year, it doesn’t diminish your child’s appreciation. Learning is a continuous process for all of us.