Dear Amy: My spouse and I have a 22-year-old son who is on the brink of graduating from a prestigious university with a degree in economics. He is a bright and physically fit individual with immense potential. His aspiration post-graduation is to enlist in the Navy with the ambition of becoming a Navy SEAL. His fervor for defending and serving the United States is palpable.
Undeniably, the path to becoming a Navy SEAL is arduous, pushing candidates to their physical limits. While we acknowledge the noble intentions driving our son’s decision, we are apprehensive about the prospect of him facing combat situations. We believe that his intellectual prowess could be better utilized in a role that does not solely rely on physical prowess.
Although we have engaged him in discussions regarding alternative ways to serve his country, he remains steadfast in his resolve, somewhat dismissing our perspective due to our parental role. How can we effectively convey to him the existence of alternative paths for patriotic service beyond pursuing a career as a Navy SEAL?
— Parents with Concerns
Concerned: As your son nears graduation from his esteemed university, he is undoubtedly exposed to a myriad of opportunities. It is imperative to trust in his discernment and respect his autonomy in choosing his path, even if it diverges from your aspirations. Encourage a step-by-step approach to addressing his future challenges.
Becoming a Navy SEAL entails rigorous training that spans over a year post-basic training, with an additional 18 months of predeployment preparation. Intelligence, mental fortitude, and resilience are crucial attributes for success in this demanding process, addressing your concern about his intellectual contributions.
The progressive nature of SEAL training offers your son ample chances for reflection and exploration of alternative avenues for service. Your role as parents is to express your reservations candidly while assuring him of your unwavering support. Acknowledging his ambition and noble objectives will likely facilitate a smoother decision-making process for him.
Avoiding opposition may disrupt the dynamic where resistance fuels his determination to defy. Embrace this pivotal juncture in his life with unwavering love and support.
Dear Amy: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for five years. Throughout this period, he has maintained a complete estrangement from his mother, whom I have never met. Recently, his mother initiated contact with me on Facebook, expressing a desire to reconcile with him and apologize for past mistakes.
In an attempt to mend their fractured relationship, I invited her to our home without informing my boyfriend. His reaction upon encountering her was explosive, leading him to contemplate ending our relationship. How can I navigate this situation and mend the rift that has emerged between us?
— Heartbroken
Heartbroken: Your actions displayed a lack of regard for your boyfriend’s boundaries and the estrangement he chose to uphold with his mother. Despite your well-meaning intentions, your clandestine approach was deceitful and disrespectful to both parties involved. It appears that you may have inadvertently played into his mother’s agenda. If her aim was genuine reconciliation, a direct communication channel with your boyfriend would have been more appropriate.
At this juncture, extending a sincere apology to your boyfriend and committing to respecting his familial boundaries is essential. While an apology may not guarantee reconciliation, it is a necessary step towards acknowledging your misstep.
Dear Amy: In response to the discomfort expressed by “Wondering Employee” regarding a boss relinquishing their raise for the employee’s benefit, it underscores the importance of companies implementing human resources protocols mandating pre-approved salary adjustments within defined parameters. I recall an incident where a colleague intended to forgo her raise to allocate it to her team. In jest, I remarked, “Whether you desire a raise or not, one is forthcoming!” This anecdote elicited laughter between us.
— Advocate for Fair Compensation