Stuart Armfield and his spouse Francis Haugen, gay fathers, emphasize that they are just like any other parents, notwithstanding their significant presence on TikTok with over 1.2 million followers. They face scrutiny over ‘sharenting’ and the unconventional path of surrogacy in parenthood. Rewinding to 2021, amidst the monotony and uncertainties, the couple pondered the course of their lives, realizing the need to pursue their long-held dream of starting a family. Motivated by the desire to fulfill their aspirations, Stuart and Francis took a proactive step.
Upon exploring the social media realm under #gaydad, Stuart, aged 38, unearthed the stark reality for same-sex couples aspiring to embrace parenthood. This revelation prompted them to document their journey, aspiring to be a beacon of support for others venturing into the uncharted territory of surrogacy. Presently raising their two children, two-year-old Rio and newborn Rebel, the couple employs their TikTok platform to showcase the joys and challenges of nurturing their young ones with “love, acceptance, and fun.” Amidst the backdrop of Beaconsfield, I engaged in a conversation with them to delve into their experiences as a family of four, the dynamics of being gay parents in 2024 and beyond, and their insights on navigating the complexities of surrogacy.
Congratulations on the recent arrival of your daughter, Rebel! How has the transition been to parenting two children?
Stuart: Reflecting on our current rhythm, it’s truly remarkable, yet the initial six weeks posed a significant challenge, evoking a sense of apprehension. Adjusting to the demands of raising two children proved to be quite a jolt. With Rio, who celebrated his second birthday in November 2023, exhibiting exemplary behavior, we initially felt like exemplary parents. However, the arrival of Rebel reshuffled the deck.
Francis: Anticipating that our second child would mirror the behavior of the first, we soon realized that parenting doesn’t adhere to a fixed rulebook. Maneuvering through this learning curve while tending to a toddler presented its own set of hurdles, but we are gradually finding our balance, and Rebel is settling in well.
How did Rio respond to welcoming his sister into the family?
Stuart: Rio has showcased remarkable affection and warmth, making the initial encounter between the siblings endearing. While fleeting moments of jealousy surface, particularly when my mother cradles Rebel, given Rio’s adoration for his grandma, these instances are minor and within the realm of expectations.
Francis: The positive feedback from our followers resonates with us, serving as a testament to our parenting journey’s efficacy. Rio’s exuberance and joyfulness affirm that we are on the right track as parents.
At what point did you decide to share your lives online?
Stuart: The idea of starting a family had been a longstanding conversation between us. The onset of the COVID era catalyzed our decision to embark on this journey. However, as a gay couple, we grappled with the question of feasibility. Delving into the realm of social media under #gaydad, I encountered a dearth of representation for same-sex couples navigating parenthood, especially in the UK. This realization prompted us to become a voice for individuals embarking on a similar path. Prior to even implanting the embryo in our surrogate, we resolved to document every facet of our journey. Unlike the prevalent trend among American dads who primarily shared post-birth experiences, we sought to shed light on the entire process. Commencing with YouTube and later transitioning to TikTok, we were astounded by the rapid growth of our platform.
Francis: Our curiosity revolved around unraveling the dynamics of a household led by two fathers. By sharing our narrative, we aimed to demystify preconceived notions, illustrating that despite being a same-sex couple, we grapple with similar challenges and joys as any other parents. Our aspiration is to foster a sense of normalcy and inclusivity, paving the way for more diverse voices in the future.
Stuart Armfield (left) and Francis Haugen (right)
What do you attribute the success of your content to?
Stuart: Our foray into social media was underpinned by a broader purpose beyond mere product promotion. Fueled by the absence of authentic representation, especially in portrayals of gay relationships, we endeavored to fill this void.
Francis: Our domestic setup, though unconventional in its composition of two men, embodies a sense of tradition and normalcy. Grateful for the evolving societal acceptance in the UK, we cherish our relationship’s authenticity. Parenting two children today, we are constantly reminded of the progress made in redefining conventional family structures.
Have you grappled with concerns about the impact of ‘sharenting’ on Rio and Rebel?
Stuart: Undoubtedly, like all parents, our primary concern revolves around safeguarding our children’s well-being. Prior to Rio and Rebel’s arrival, we deliberated extensively on the implications of our online presence on their future. Striking a delicate balance, we navigate this terrain cautiously, cognizant of the evolving needs and privacy of our children. As Rio matures, there will come a time when certain aspects of our shared journey may warrant reevaluation and adjustment.
Francis: The editing process serves as a constant checkpoint, ensuring that our portrayal remains authentic and reflective of our true selves. While cognizant of the impact of our online visibility, we acknowledge that our platform has catalyzed positive change and reshaped perceptions of family dynamics. Handling this responsibility with care remains paramount in our approach.
What advice would you offer to soon-to-be parents?
Stuart: Amidst the deluge of advice inundating new parents, it’s crucial to trust your instincts and stay true to your parenting style. Embracing your intuition and staying grounded in your approach will serve as a guiding light amidst the cacophony of well-meaning suggestions.
Francis: Parenthood ushers in a myriad of emotions, often accompanied by self-doubt and unrealistic expectations. Embracing the notion of being ‘good enough’ alleviates the burden of perfectionism, fostering a more compassionate and forgiving outlook towards oneself.
For further updates on Stuart and Francis’s parenting journey, follow them on TikTok and YouTube.
In parenting-related developments, relationship expert Anna Williamson delves into the challenges faced in her relationship post-children, while celebrity duo Chrissy Teigen and John Legend welcome their fourth child via surrogacy.