That may seem trivial because we all undoubtedly cherish our children, but the reality is that there are periods ( sometimes lengthy ones) where genuinely liking them can be challenging. It’s acceptable if there are moments when mutual affection is not easily felt. As parents, our primary role is to nurture, guide, and lead our children, not necessarily to be their closest companions. However, I’ve come to understand that by fostering a foundation of mutual respect in our relationship, liking each other becomes achievable.
Developing a fondness for one another is particularly beneficial as our children mature and become more independent individuals. With the onset of hormonal changes, we may all go through a tumultuous ride as our children start to perceive the world in more intricate ways. One effective strategy to prevent this roller coaster from causing significant strain in your relationship is to create opportunities where you can simply relish each other’s company.
Cultivate Interest in Their Interests
I’ve observed with my eldest child that this entails engaging in activities he enjoys, even though, to be honest, we don’t share many common interests. It involves my attempts, albeit unsuccessful, at playing video games. Listening to lengthy discussions about the merits of different gaming consoles. Sharing laughter over the book series that captivates them. Watching Star Wars together. Acquiring knowledge about various Lego sets.
Throughout these interactions, I make a conscious effort to listen to the things that excite him, allowing us to stay connected despite our differing interests. My presence in his world holds significance. It’s crucial not to devalue these interactions because even though they may feel burdensome at times, they hold significance for my children.
Engage Your Children in Learning Together
Another essential aspect of building a strong bond is inviting them into your world and enabling them to develop their own set of skills alongside you. My eldest has mastered the art of baking his own cookies because of his love for them and my occasional time constraints. Familiarizing him with what is typically considered “mom’s domain” helps him connect with my world.
Now that my boys are old enough to join me at the gym, I involve them in my workouts, teaching them techniques like dumbbell curls and box jumps. Exercising with my boys is an incredibly positive experience for us. Their boundless energy requires various outlets, and this shared activity allows them to spend enjoyable time with me.
Similarly, my husband carves out opportunities for them to enhance their skills while being in our company by involving them in tasks like changing the oil, clearing leaves, or walking the dog. While it may seem counterintuitive to engage kids in “chores,” it actually fosters a closer bond. Inclusion, learning, and collaborating together are among the most effective ways to strengthen the connection with our children.
Establish Clear Boundaries
I firmly believe that many parents struggle to enjoy their children because they haven’t set clear boundaries within the family from an early age. It’s challenging to develop affection for someone who disregards boundaries; that’s a universal truth. The process of setting boundaries commences in infancy and continues indefinitely since boundaries are a fundamental aspect of any relationship, especially in parenting.
Currently, with a two-year-old and a three-year-old, I am reminded daily of the exhaustion that comes with firmly establishing boundaries through gentle enforcement. At this stage, they can be relentless and vociferous, which presents its own set of challenges. However, here’s a lesson I’ve learned: laying down these foundations in the early years sets the stage for smoother interactions as your children grow older.
Children are incredibly perceptive; by the age of two (and possibly even earlier), they can discern whether you are reliable. This entails following through with consequences when they defy your instructions. By enforcing boundaries during their boisterous and rebellious phases at two, they will understand by the age of five that it’s imperative to heed Mom and Dad, as well as other adults. Waiting until they are five and entering school to introduce the concept of respecting authority is too late.
If you’re currently grappling with establishing a relationship of mutual respect with your older child, it may require additional effort due to years of leniency that may have conveyed the message that you are not to be taken seriously. Changing this narrative demands consistency in your words and actions towards your child.
Instill Empathy in Them
Empathy is a cornerstone of successful human relationships. How can we love sincerely without the capacity to truly understand those around us? Empathy is not innate; it must be cultivated. Spending time with any child reveals their inherent self-centeredness. Our sinful nature inclines us to prioritize ourselves; we must be taught to acknowledge and consider others.
I vividly recall my toughest day as a mom, realizing that my children were completely unaware of the challenges they were posing at that moment. Toddlers are inherently indifferent to whether they are pushing their mother to the brink, which is developmentally appropriate. However, as children mature, they rely on us to teach them how to empathize with others.
Now that my eldest comprehends the dynamics within our household, he willingly contributes more as a family member. This willingness to assist didn’t materialize overnight! It took years of encouraging him to aid his siblings, be kind to his friends, tidy up after himself, care for his belongings, excel in his schoolwork, empathize with those facing challenges to appreciate his blessings, and more.
In essence, witnessing the character traits we strive to instill in our children unfold is a gradual process. Perseverance is key for us parents. We must be diligent in raising individuals who can empathize, respect boundaries, and share life with us if we wish to enjoy a harmonious relationship with our children throughout our shared journey.
As I transition into a new phase of motherhood, where independence takes precedence over constant supervision, I feel immensely blessed. Despite apprehensions about my children entering their teenage years and beyond, I find solace in witnessing the individuals they are evolving into. They may not be flawless, but they are individuals I genuinely appreciate and take pride in. I understand that we won’t navigate the upcoming years flawlessly, but I am certain that we will navigate them together. This assurance brings immense comfort to my maternal heart. Invest your time and efforts now so that you can take pride in the individuals you hold dear as they mature.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/monkeybusinessimages
Amanda Idleman is a dedicated writer who inspires others to live joyfully. She contributes devotionals to My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, and has been published on platforms like Her View from Home, the MOPS Blog, and Crosswalk.com. Her most recent publication is a devotional titled Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. For more information about Amanda, visit her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
Parents: Need Assistance Navigating Our Complex Culture?
Tune in to Our FREE Parenting Podcast!
Christian Parent/Crazy World with Catherine Segars is accessible on all podcast platforms. Listen to our episode on the power of prayer in parenting by clicking the play button below:
The opinions and viewpoints expressed in this podcast belong to the speakers and do not necessarily align with those of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
Related video:
Are you facing the challenges of parenting toddlers or teens? Read Rhonda’s full article here.