During a recent car journey with my youngest daughter, Sela, she surprised me by posing a question. Sela’s inquiries have spanned a wide range in the past, from the origins of babies in mommies’ tummies to the manufacturing process of towels. This time, however, her question stumped me. She simply asked how one teaches a child the concepts of “yes” and “no,” leaving me at a loss for a clear answer.
Reflecting on how we instilled the meanings of “yes” and “no” in our daughters, I realized that while we must have done so at some point, the method escaped my memory. I recounted to Sela how we taught our dog, Ruby, boundaries by using “no” to indicate restrictions, such as guiding her off the couch to signify she couldn’t be on it. Similarly, redirecting the girls from the hot stove while saying “no” helped them learn not to touch it.
Curious, Sela probed further, asking, “But how do you teach kids what ‘yes’ means?” In that moment, my response was inadequate, suggesting that understanding “yes” naturally evolves as children observe that their requests are met with affirmative responses. Her expression turned thoughtful and somewhat troubled as she pondered my less-than-satisfactory explanations. When I inquired if she fretted about being a good parent, she responded with a sigh, “Yes, all the time.”
This concern over parenting prowess is not new for Sela. When the girls were younger, I started keeping notebooks for each of them, chronicling amusing mispronunciations and genuine inquiries. Sela’s notebook transitioned from mispronounced words like “pee-wink” for penguin to deeper questions as she grew older.
At the age of seven, she expressed her worry about becoming a good mother, a sentiment she had harbored for some time. She confided in me, questioning how to navigate simple yet crucial decisions like determining the right amount of candy to offer.
On another occasion, during what seemed like a particularly successful parenting day, Sela remarked, “Meme and Popsie must have taken a magic pill when you were a kid because they made you into the best mom!” Her innocent remark elicited laughter from me, knowing well that my parents would find the notion of a “magic parenting pill” preposterous. I hope that, like me, my daughters will remember the joyful moments of their childhood rather than the challenging ones.
I shared Sela’s “magic pill” anecdote with my father, who chuckled at the idea. He assured me that there was no such miraculous solution to parenting and that they, too, had navigated parenthood through trial and error.
While I reassured Sela that most parents learn as they go, I hesitated to reveal the extent of our inexperience when she and her sister came into our lives. Parenting, much like life itself, often involves trial and error, learning from mistakes, and adapting our approach along the way.
Although we may not have explicitly defined “yes” and “no” for Sela and Kate, we managed to impart crucial lessons about safety, health, and responsibility. Through a process of trial and error, devoid of any magical shortcuts or expert guidance, their father and I navigated the complexities of parenthood by simply “winging it.”
One day, I envision observing my daughters navigate parenthood in their unique ways. I will resist the urge to dispense excessive advice, recognizing that there is no magical formula for parenting. Just like us, they will learn through experience, setbacks, and perseverance.
Apart from chronicling family anecdotes, I indulge in writing novels and mundane tasks like grocery shopping. My books are available in various outlets, including online and locally at Little Professor Bookshop. For further engagement, you can contact me via email at [email protected], explore my website LaurenKDenton.com, or connect with me on Instagram @LaurenKDentonBooks or Facebook ~LaurenKDentonAuthor.