Dear Amy,
My son is a well-educated individual with a fantastic job. Both my husband and I hold college degrees and come from respectable backgrounds. While we are not considered “poor,” our son has been in a serious relationship with “Anne” for three years now. Anne is delightful, and they appear to have a strong bond.
The main concern arises from Anne’s parents. Initially, Anne mentioned that her parents were disapproving of her relationship with our son due to perceived differences in social status. They seem to view us as inferior. Despite this, we listened attentively, offered advice graciously, and refrained from disparaging her parents. Over time, it seems that the parents are gradually adjusting their perspective.
During a recent Christmas Eve visit, our son returned with a large box from a prestigious fruit company, supposedly a gift from Anne’s parents. However, upon inspection, it turned out to be a regift. The box contained a card from the original senders, and half of the fruit had been replaced with cheaper supermarket produce.
While I am tempted to retaliate by refilling the box with quality fruit and having our son deliver it back to them, I understand the importance of maturity in handling such situations. Would you recommend regifting next year? Should I acknowledge their gesture with a thank you card without addressing their actions directly? It feels like a deliberate ploy to elicit a reaction from us to establish superiority. What is the best course of action to take?
— Mad in Minnesota
Mad: It is worth reconsidering Anne’s alignment with her parents’ judgmental attitude towards you. As for your contemplation of refilling the gift box with better fruit for regifting, it might be prudent to keep this as a mere fantasy. Such an act could potentially confuse the recipients or inadvertently reinforce their perception of your “lower” status. Additionally, interpreting this thoughtless regift as a malicious prank may be an overreaction.
A tactful response would involve including the original card found in the regift box along with your thank you note, subtly acknowledging the oversight: “… this card was included in the box, and we thought you might need to have it.” However, it is essential to note that individuals of grace and class do not emphasize the errors or seek retribution for petty and tactless behavior.
Maintaining your dignity and moving forward gracefully is likely the most appropriate course of action.
Dear Amy,
My partner “Wesley” and I, both in our mid-20s, have been in a relationship for two years. While we both have had previous partners, Wesley maintains a cordial relationship with his ex, “Steven.” While I am comfortable with this, Steven often crosses the boundaries of what I find acceptable. During a recent vacation with my family, Wesley received a 2 a.m. call from Steven, who was upset about his boyfriend’s actions. This call lasted for two hours, leaving Wesley exhausted the next day.
Considering that Steven was aware of our vacation, I found this behavior disruptive and disrespectful. What is your perspective on this situation?
— Not Happy
Happy: Contacting someone at 2 a.m. should be reserved for urgent matters such as emergencies or critical situations. Conversations like “I’m upset with my partner” can certainly wait. It is crucial for “Wesley” to recognize the impact of his actions on you and set appropriate boundaries with Steven.
Dear Amy,
I am one of many readers who appreciates the recent “Updates” featured in your column. It is always intriguing to learn about the outcomes of the situations you address.
— Grateful
Grateful: I am delighted that you enjoy the “Updates” as much as I do! I encourage readers to continue sharing their feedback and updates.
© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.