Care and Feeding is Slate’s column dedicated to parenting advice. If you have a question for Care and Feeding, you can submit it here.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband (30M) and I (29F) are both eager to start a family. We are financially stable, residing in a large city, and own a condo near excellent public schools. However, the vast amount of information available online about modern parenting is causing us anxiety. It seems like every decision we make could have a lasting impact on our future children. For instance, the simple choice of whether to pierce our potential daughter’s ears as a baby is portrayed as a significant cultural or autonomy issue. Balancing the needs of multiple children to avoid creating a “glass child” while nurturing a “deeply feeling kid,” and deciding between being a “gentle” or “authoritative” parent, adds to the overwhelming nature of parenting today. We both had supportive and loving parents, and the current online parenting narratives feel foreign to us. The pressure to get everything right seems insurmountable. Is there a definitive guide we are missing, or is parenting truly as stressful as it appears? Your guidance is appreciated.
—Anxious Prospective Parents in Pennsylvania
Dear APPP,
Congratulations on being proactive in addressing the apprehension that often accompanies modern parenting discussions. The online parenting landscape can indeed be overwhelming, bombarding you with conflicting advice and portraying each decision as pivotal to your child’s well-being. The evolution of parenting discourse over the years has shifted towards a more candid and unfiltered portrayal of the challenges and complexities of raising children in today’s world.
In the past, parenting advice typically came from experts, emphasizing the joys and rewards of raising children. On the other hand, a new age of open and honest parenting tales that explore the mental and physical challenges of being a parent has begun with the advent of “mommy bloggers” and social media. This shift has exposed the raw and unfiltered aspects of parenting, offering a more authentic portrayal of the highs and lows that come with raising children.
The proliferation of parenting philosophies and expert-driven content has further complicated the parenting landscape, with terms like “conscious parenting” and “gentle parenting” becoming prevalent. There is no silver bullet when it comes to parenting, no matter how helpful certain frameworks may be. Trusting your instincts, drawing from your own upbringing, and adapting to your child’s unique needs are crucial elements of effective parenting.
Amidst the sea of online advice and expert opinions, it’s important to filter out the noise and focus on what works best for your family. While scientific research and parenting philosophies can offer insights, the most significant influence on your child’s well-being is the love, support, and stability you provide as parents. Embrace the journey of parenthood with an open heart, knowing that you have the resilience and capacity to navigate the challenges that come your way.
Remember, there is no perfect formula for parenting, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. Your dedication, care, and unconditional love will guide you through the rewarding yet challenging adventure of raising children. Trust in your abilities, prioritize your family’s well-being, and approach parenthood with a sense of curiosity and resilience. You’ve got this.
—Dan