The conclusion of the annual calendar year typically provides an opportunity for publications to delve into topics that are not bound by the regular news cycle. These pieces often offer insightful long-reads that focus on shedding light on cultural trends rather than adding fuel to the fire, emphasizing the need for thoughtful consideration over knee-jerk reactions. A collection of recent articles penned by female writers representing various points on the political spectrum serves as a mosaic that delves into the current landscape surrounding fertility, marriage, and the diminishing presence of both.
Rachel Cohen, a journalist with progressive inclinations who specializes in covering abortion and family policy for Vox, presented a much-needed counter-narrative to the conventional depiction of parenting often portrayed in columns of the New York Times and bestselling memoirs. The prevalent narrative in mommy blogs and parenting guides tends to perpetuate what she terms as “mom dread,” painting a picture of children as costly burdens that jeopardize one’s personal and professional aspirations, leading to perpetual sleep deprivation and the abandonment of career ambitions.
However, Cohen’s conversations with Millennial mothers who have embraced parenthood revealed a stark contrast between perception and reality. While conservative influencers have traditionally extolled the virtues of family life and motherhood, Cohen discovered that progressive mothers also find fulfillment and purpose in the sacrifices they make to welcome a child, even if they hesitate to vocalize it publicly. She astutely notes, “If finding joy in motherhood or striving for equitable parenting is viewed as a rare achievement in today’s society, many women, like in numerous other accomplishments, learn to keep it private.”
Cohen’s piece effectively underscores how the prevailing narrative portraying parenthood as an incessant struggle—from sleepless nights to disrupted intimacy to the competitive nature of modern parenting—magnifies the perceived challenges for young women contemplating motherhood.
This point is further emphasized, whether intentionally or not, by the progressive writer Jill Filipovic in a column for Slate. Her candid exploration of the complexities surrounding her “ambivalence” towards motherhood and the realization that postponing the decision may result in biology dictating the outcome offers a profound insight into the underlying dynamics. Filipovic’s narrative sheds light on why women in professional circles opt to delay the decision as much as possible and why questions about the number of children one plans to have are challenging to answer in abstract terms.
The discussion on trade-offs, parenthood, and opportunity costs transcends individual decision-making and delves into a multifaceted calculation encompassing social influences, public resources, and existential considerations. As highlighted by Elizabeth Grace Matthew, a visiting fellow at the conservative-leaning Independent Women’s Forum, in a detailed exposition for Law and Liberty, understanding the decline in fertility necessitates acknowledging the waning influence of religion. Contrary to Filipovic’s emphasis on individual autonomy, Matthew argues that without the transcendental aspect in our cost-benefit evaluations, fewer individuals recognize motherhood as not merely a personal choice but a civic duty. In a society grappling with declining fertility rates, it becomes imperative to acknowledge that certain choices hold more societal value and civic virtue than others.
In advocating for the enhancement of fertility rates for the greater good of society, Matthew boldly suggests that feminists should promote religious engagement, not solely for its potential impact on boosting fertility rates, but for the invaluable support network that a religious community provides to mothers compared to those navigating parenthood independently.
Stephanie Murray, a contributing writer for The Atlantic, underscores the apparent lack of support for parents in the United States. Drawing from her experiences as an expatriate, she argues that parenting in the U.S. entails grappling with safety concerns for children and financial uncertainties that would be less prevalent in comparable nations. Murray contends that the challenges of parenthood in America should not be as daunting as they currently are.
While some of the issues raised by Murray fall under the realm of “mom dread” that Cohen seeks to dispel, she also highlights how intensive parenting is a choice that American parents have the agency to opt out of, despite the narratives propagated by alarmist stories and social media influencers. While certain challenges could be mitigated through improved public policies, others, such as the prevalence of school shootings, remain uniquely American tragedies that contribute to the heightened stress levels of parents, albeit being low-probability events.
It is evident that our societal infrastructure, policy frameworks, and even built environments, as previously discussed by Murray for The Atlantic, should be better attuned to the needs of parents and children. However, the factors such as climate change, gun violence, or the absence of family-friendly recreational spaces do not entirely account for why many individuals who might have considered parenthood are, like Filipovic, evaluating the prospect through the lens of personal desires and self-fulfillment.
As previously articulated in my writings for the Family Studies blog, and corroborated by extensive scholarly research, the primary driver behind declining fertility rates lies not in the material costs associated with parenting but in the sacrifices women are required to make in order to embrace motherhood, encapsulated in economic terms as their escalating opportunity cost. A significant shift in American fertility patterns post the Great Recession is the trend where women without a college education are now delaying childbirth akin to their college-educated counterparts over the past few decades.
For this demographic, the opportunity cost of motherhood may not manifest as missed career advancements but rather as a limitation in choices—a perception that becoming a mother might constrain their options, particularly if it ties them to a partner whose financial stability or social standing is not reliable enough to forego alternative paths. This sentiment was poignantly illustrated by freelance journalist Anna Louie Sussman in an opinion piece for the New York Times. While she seems to juxtapose pro-marriage scholars like Brad Wilcox and Melissa Kearney, they would concur with her assertion that there should be heightened awareness regarding the apparent decline in the desirability of marriage among working-class men.
Navigating discussions on fertility and marriage across the diverse landscape of the United States carries the risk of oversimplification. The narratives and trade-offs faced by college-educated women are more extensively documented, given that op-ed columns and online platforms focusing on fertility and motherhood predominantly amplify the voices of this demographic. Moreover, these narratives predominantly center on women, partly due to the unequal burden of the biological clock that women face compared to men.
However, these essays, crafted by some of the most adept writers specializing in family-related topics today, serve to enrich our comprehension of the intricate trade-offs at play. They offer valuable insights that can guide policymakers and society at large in creating a more supportive environment for prospective parents embarking on the journey of parenthood.