As a psychologist, I have dedicated close to two decades to researching effective methods for nurturing and raising well-adjusted individuals. One crucial yet often underestimated skill that I consistently emphasize to new parents is the cultivation of inner efficacy.
Inner efficacy, in essence, represents an individual’s unwavering belief in their own capability to navigate challenges and accomplish their aspirations. While self-esteem may exclaim, “I am exceptional,” inner efficacy asserts, “I possess the necessary tools to surmount obstacles and attain my objectives.”
Children who harbor a robust sense of inner efficacy exhibit a propensity to challenge themselves and invest diligent effort. Instead of attributing their setbacks to external factors or an inherent lack of talent, they concentrate on elements within their sphere of influence.
Studies indicate that youngsters derive inner efficacy from four primary reservoirs:
1. Proficiency in achieving tasks
To foster this, children must be appropriately challenged at a level conducive to their development. Thrusting them into educational endeavors beyond their current readiness can prove counterproductive.
Whenever they express concerns about their abilities, instilling a growth mindset by remarking, “You haven’t reached that point, yet,” can be remarkably empowering.
2. Observing others succeed
It is crucial for children to witness peers whom they perceive as similar in certain aspects (such as age, race, gender identity, or interests) achieving comparable goals.
While the role models need not mirror the exact characteristics of our unique children, observing a significantly older child from a different background accomplish a task may not yield the same impact.
3. Reinforcement of past successes
The narratives we weave about our past experiences shape our confidence in handling future endeavors.
Research suggests that individuals inclined towards optimism, embracing a growth mindset, and trusting in their abilities often share similar past encounters with their more pessimistic counterparts. The differentiating factor lies in their tendency to vividly recall triumphs over failures.
4. Attainment of inner calm
If children grapple with stress, unease, or anxiety when confronted with challenges, addressing these physiological responses is paramount before expecting optimal performance.
Introducing self-soothing techniques like mindful breathing to children can significantly aid them in honing their competencies in any chosen pursuit.
Strategies to nurture inner efficacy in children
1. Encourage them to venture into unfamiliar territories.
Rather than echoing the cliché “Practice makes perfect,” which is not always accurate nor the ultimate goal, guide your child towards understanding that “Effort fuels progress.”
2. Offer constructive guidance.
Instead of simply pointing out errors with a red pen and stating, “Incorrect once again,” consider rephrasing, clarifying instructions, or revisiting previously acquired skills to facilitate learning.
Even with young children who misidentify a red apple as “blue,” you can gently correct them by saying, “Indeed, blueberries are blue, whereas this is a red apple,” fostering a positive learning environment.
3. Commend achievements with specificity when warranted.
When acknowledging accomplishments, aim for sincerity and specificity rather than generic praise like “Good job!” Recognize and commend genuine efforts, persistence, creativity, independence, and competence in children.
While there’s no need to entirely eliminate the phrase “good job” from your vocabulary, supplement it with detailed feedback such as “Well done applying the chess opening strategy you recently learned.”
4. Highlight strategic thinking.
Assist children in discerning the correlation between their actions and accomplishments. For instance, if your child excels in writing an essay due to outlining, you could point out, “I noticed you structured an outline, which likely contributed to your success.”
Alternatively, if they struggle due to the absence of an outline, you can offer constructive feedback like, “I observed you didn’t outline your essay. It can be challenging to write cohesively without one. Let’s collaborate on creating an outline.”
By comprehending that their setbacks do not signify permanent limitations, children are better positioned to seize future opportunities for growth and achievement.