Dear Care and Feeding,
My concession for our wedding was to have a small religious ceremony at my mother-in-law’s church, even though I am not religious. We planned to host a brief luncheon and then have the reception at a winery the next day, combining both our families. The winery offers accommodations through local AirBnBs and live music, providing a nice getaway for my family while fulfilling my in-laws’ wishes.
However, my sister-in-law is fixated on her daughters being the center of attention. She insists that they must be flower girls, wear specific dresses she chooses (in contrast to my attendants wearing their own black dresses with matching shrugs), and be present at the reception to showcase their importance.
Despite the reception being child-free, except for my best friend’s wife attending with their toddler and her mother to alternate childcare responsibilities, my sister-in-law continues to push the issue. She argues that weddings are about family and accuses us of being unfair to her daughters. This constant pressure is causing tension, with my fiancé spending more time placating everyone instead of helping with the wedding plans. I am on the verge of canceling everything, forfeiting our deposits, and eloping. It is crucial to note that we are funding the event. I find myself daydreaming about bluntly telling my sister-in-law to either find a partner and plan her own wedding or cease her interference. Can you offer some guidance?
—Austin Blues
Dear Austin Blues,
The perennial debate over whether weddings are primarily for families resurfaces once more! Firstly, let me extend my apologies to my cousin, as I inadvertently brought our preschooler to a child-free wedding in May 2021 due to my oversight. Upon realizing my blunder, my husband and I quickly arranged for childcare rotation to ensure our daughter did not attend the reception. I still feel somewhat embarrassed by the incident.
It is essential to respect the couple’s wishes and financial constraints when it comes to the wedding arrangements. If they opt not to include children or are unable to accommodate them, it is acceptable to express minor discontent privately. However, it is paramount to adhere to their preferences.
You have already compromised by allowing your sister-in-law’s daughters to be flower girls and wear the dresses she selected. This should suffice. Stand firm regarding the child-free reception!
—Rebecca
More Advice From Slate
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