Twice weekly, my spouse works an overnight shift, necessitating that I handle bedtime for our children—ages 1 and 2 months—solo. This routine has been established for about five years, so I am accustomed to managing bedtime independently. Despite the smooth bedtime process, my mother-in-law persistently calls or texts every time my husband works the night shift (or any other night he is absent) offering to assist with bedtime, even though I have politely declined her help multiple times. My husband and I have both reiterated that her assistance is not required, yet she continues to make these offers.
Recently, when both children were sick, my mother-in-law called early in the evening offering her help due to the illness. I thanked her for the offer but declined, stating that I preferred not to have visitors when the children are unwell to prevent the spread of the sickness. Despite this, she showed up at our house unannounced, claiming she was “just ready” in case I needed her. I firmly told her to leave and emphasized the importance of respecting our decisions regarding our children’s care.
Moving forward, my husband and I need to have a serious conversation with my mother-in-law to clearly communicate that her persistent offers of help during bedtime, especially when declined, are unwelcome and disruptive. Setting limits and making sure she respects our decisions about our kids’ care are both very important. While we value her involvement in our children’s lives, it is essential that she understands and adheres to our preferences to avoid any further misunderstandings.
—All Set for Bedtime
I understand your concerns about the potential genetic predisposition to mental health issues within your family and the ethical dilemma it poses regarding having biological children. It is commendable that you are considering adoption as an alternative option. It is essential to have open and honest discussions with your husband about your apprehensions and desires regarding starting a family. Together, you can explore all possibilities and make a decision that aligns with your values and concerns. Seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist may also help navigate this complex decision-making process.
—Hereditary Hesitancy
Dealing with assumptions and judgments from others regarding your husband’s mental health struggles and your caregiving responsibilities can be challenging. It is important to prioritize your well-being and set boundaries with those who make unwarranted comments. You are not obligated to disclose personal information about your husband’s condition to justify your choices. Politely deflecting intrusive remarks and focusing on self-care and support systems can help you navigate this difficult situation.
—I Just Can’t
Your concerns about your son’s height in comparison to yours are valid, and it’s understandable that you are experiencing intrusive thoughts. It could help to figure out what’s making you feel this way and deal with any fears or insecurities you may have. While seeking professional help is a valuable option, engaging in self-reflection and introspection can also aid in understanding and managing these concerns effectively.
—It’s Just a Number, Right?
More Advice From Slate
During the pandemic, my children have been attending virtual school, with my 5-year-old adapting well to kindergarten. However, I have noticed that my mother-in-law, who moved in with us recently, treats the 5-year-old differently than she did with my other children at the same age, particularly in terms of discipline.